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THE 



CABINET MINISTER 



A FARCE IN FOUR ACTS 



BY 

ARTHUR W. PINERO 



NEW YORK 

JOHN W. LOVELL COMPANY 

150 Worth Street 



/ 






THE 

CABINET MINISTER 



THE 



CABINET MINISTER 



A FARCE IN FOUR ACTS 



ARTHUR W. PINERO 



1 



!> 




NEW YORK 
JOHN W. LOVELL COMPANY 

150 WoiiTH Street 



^ 



^\^ 






Copyright, 1891, by 
ARTHUR W. PINERO 



All Riglits Meservea 



l'^](,l.(o 



TROW DIRECTORY 

PRINTING AND BOOKBINDING COMPANY 

NEW YORK 



THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY. 



Rt. Hon. Sir Julian Twombley, G.C.M.G., M.P. 

Lady Twoivibley, 

Brooke Twombley {their son)^ 

Imogen {iJieir dauglder), 

Dowager Countess of Drumdurris, 

Lady Euphemia Vibart {her daughter)^ 

Earl of Drumdurris, 

Countess of Drumdurris, 

Viscount Aberbrothock {their son), 

Lady Macphail, 

Macphail of Ballocheevin {her son\ 

Valentine White {Lady Twomhleyh nephew), 

Hon. Mrs. Gaylustre, 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon, 

Mr. Melton, 

The Munkittrick, 

Miss Munkittrick, 

Probyn, 

AnAgle. 



THE FIRST ACT. 

Debt. At Sir Julian Twombley's, Chesterfield 
Gardens. May. 



THE SECOND ACT. 
Difficulties. At Sir Julian's Again. July. 



THE THIRD ACT. 

Disaster. At Drumdurris Castle, Perthshire. 
August. 



THE FOURTH ACT. 
Dancing. The Same Place. The Next Day. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 



THE FIEST ACT. 

Debt. 

The scene is a conservatory built and decorated in 
Moorish style, in the house of the Rt. Hon. Sir 
Julian Twombley, M.P., Chesterfield Gardens, 
London. A fountain is playing, and tall palms 
lend their simple elegance to the elaborate Algeri- 
an magnificence of the place, llie drawing-rooms 
are just beyond the curtained entrances. It is a 
May cfternoon. 

Brooke Twombley, a good-looking but insipid young 
man of about two-and-twenty, faultlessly dressed 
for the cfternoon, enters, and sits dejectedly, turn- 
ing over some papers. 

Brooke Twojibley. 

I've done it. Such an afternoon's work — what ! 
[Beading] " Schedule of the Debts of Mr. Brooke 
T wombiey. [ Turning o ver sheet after sheet .] Trades- 
men. Betting Transactions. Baccarat. Miscellane- 
ous Amusements. Sundries. Extras." 

[Probyn, a servant in powder and livery, is cross- 
ing the conservatory, when he sees Brooke.] 



2 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Probyn. 
[Seeing Brooke — pausing l.c.] Oh, Mr. Brooke. 

Brooke Twombley. 
[Slipping the schedule into his pocket.] Eh ! 

Probyn. 

I didn't know you were in, sir. Her ladyship told 
me to give you this, Mr. Brooke — quietly. 

[He hands Brooke a letter which he has taken 
from his pocket.'] 

Brooke Twombley. 

[Glancing at the envelope.] The Mater. Thank 
you. [A little cough is heard. He looks toward the 
drawing-room.] Is anyone there ? 

Probyn. 
Mrs. Gay lustre, sir. 

Brooke Twombley. 
The dressmaker ! What does she want ? 

Probyn. 

She told Phipps, Miss Imogen's maid, sir, that she 
was anxious to see the effect of her ladyship's and 
Miss Imogen's gowns when they get back from the 
Drawing-Room. 

Brooke Twombley. 

You should take her upstairs. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 6 

Pkobyn. 

Beg your pardon, Mr. Brooke, but we've always 
understood that when Mrs. Gaylustre calls in the 
morning she's a dressmaker, and when she calls in 
the afternoon she's a \^dj. 

Brooke TwojVIBley. 

Oh, very well ; it's awfully confusing. [Probyn 
goes out. Brooke reads the letter.^ " My sweet child. 
For heaven's sake let me have your skeddle, or 
whatever you call your list of debts, directly. I'll 
do my best to get you out of your scrape, though 
how I can't think. I'm desperately short of money, 
and altogether — as my poor dear father used to say 
— things are as blue as old Stilton. If your pa finds 
out what a muddle I'm in, I fear he'll throw up 
public life and bury us in the country, and, then 
good-by to my dear boy's and girl's prospects. So if 
I contrive to clear you once more, don't do it again, 
my poppet, or you'll break the heart of your loving 
mother, Kitty Twombley." The Mater's a brick — 
what ! But I wonder if she has any notion how 
much it tots up to. 

\^He places the letter upon the back of a large sad- 
dle-hag arm-chair while he takes out the sched- 
ule.^ 

Brooke Twombley. 

Three thousand seven hundred and fifty-six, 
nought, two. What ! 

[Probyn enters.'] 



4: THE CABINET 3fIXLSTEM 

Pkobyn. 
A young man wants to see you, Mr. Brooke. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Who is it ? 

Probyn. 

No card, sir — and rather queerly dressed. Says 
he has a wish to shake hands with you on the door- 
step. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Oh, I say ! He mustn't, you know — what ! 
Probyn. 

I don't quite Uke the look of him, sir ; gives the 
name of White — Mr. Valentine White. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Why, that's m^' cousin ! 

Probyn. 
Cousin, sir ! I beg pardon. 

Brooke Tw^ombley. 
Wliere is he ? 

[Brooke goes out quickly, followed by Probyn. Tlie 
Hon. Mrs. Gaylustre, an attractive, self-pos- 
sessed, mischievous-looking woman, of not more 
than thirty, very fashionably dressed, enters from 
the drawing-room.^ 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
How very charming ! Lady Twombley's latest 
fad, the Algerian conservatory. And there was a 



THE CABINET MINISTER 5 

time when a sprig of geranium on the window-sill 
would have contented her. [Luoking at a photu- 
gru'ph o/'Lady Twombley upon the table.'] There she 
is — Kitty Twombley. In one of my gowns too. 
Kitty Twombley, once Kitty White, the daughter 
of a poor farmer down in Cleverton. Ah, when 
young Mr. Julian Twombley came canvassing Far- 
mer White's vote he found you innocently scrub- 
bing the bricks, I suppose ! And now ! [ With a cour- 
tesy.] Lady Twombley, wife of a Cabinet Minister 
and Patroness Extraordinary of that deserving 
young widow, Fanny Gaylustre ! [She sit.^ surveying 
the portraits upon the table.] Ha, ha ! I'll tarn you 
all to account some fine dsLj. Why shouldn't I 
finish as well as the dairy-fed daughter of a Devon- 
shire yokel ? What on earth is wrong with my bon- 
net? [She puts her hand up behind her head and 
finds Lady Twombley's letter which Beooke had left 
on the back of the chair.] Lady Twombley's writ- 
ing. [Beading.] " My sweet child. For heaven's 

sake let me have your skeddle " [She sits up 

suddenly and devours the contents of the letter.] Oh ! 
[Reading aloud.] " I'm desperately short of money ! 
Things are as blue as old Stilton ! If your pa finds 
out ! " My word ! 

Brooke Twombley. 
[Heard speaking outside.] My dear Valentine, 
why shouldn't you come in — what ? 

[Mrs. Gaylustre creeps round in front of the table and 
disappears with the letter in her hand as Brooke 
enters, dragging in Valentine White, a roughly- 
dressed, handsome young fellow of about six-and- 
twenty, bronzed and bearded.] 



6 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Valentine White. 

Now, Brooke, you know I cut away from Eng- 
land years ago because I couldn't endure ceremony 
of any kind. 

Bkooke Twombley. 

I'm not treating you with ceremony — what ! 

Valentine WmTE. 

[Looking about him.] Phew ! the atmosphere's 
charged with it. That fellow with his hair pow- 
dered nearly sent me running down the street like 
a mad dog. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Where the deuce have you been for the last six or 
eight years ? 

Valentine White. 

Where ? Oh, buy a geography ; call it, " Ex- 
plorations of Valentine White in Search of Free- 
dom," and there you have it. 

Beooke Twombley. 
Freedom ! 

Valentine White. 
Blessed freedom from forms, shams, and cere- 
monies of all sorts and descriptions. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Why, you left us for South Africa. Didn't South 
Africa satisfy you ? 

Valentine White. 
Satisfy me ! I joined the expedition to Bangwa- 
ketsi. What were the consequences ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 7 

Brooke Twombley. 
Fever ? 

Valentine White. 

Worse. There's no ceremony about fever. No, 
Brooke, I was snubbed by a major in the Kalahari 
Desert, because I didn't dress for dinner. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Then we heard of you herding filthy cattle in 
Mexico. 

Valentine White. 

Yes, at Durango. I enjoyed that, till some 
younger sons of the nobility came out and left 
cards at my hut. I afterward drove a railway en- 
gine in Bolivia. 

Brooke Twoiubley. 

By Jove, how awful— what ! Wasn't that suffi- 
ciently beastly rough? 

Valentine White. 

My dear fellow, would you believe it— I got hold 
of a stoker who was a decayed British baronet ! 
The affected way in which that man shovelled on 
coals was unendurable. So I've come back, hope- 
lessly wise. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Serve you right for kicking at refinement and 
good form and all that sort of i<hing. What ! 

Valentine White. 

[Mimicking Brooke.] Varnish, and veneer, and 
all that sort of thing — what ! 



8 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Bkooke Twombley. 

Oh, confound you ! Well, you'll dine here at a 
quarter to eight, Val, won't you ? 

Valentine White. 

Dine in Chesterfield Gardens ! Thirteen courses 
and eight wines ! Heaven forgive you, Brooke. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Look here, you shall eat on the floor with a 
wooden spoon. 

Valentine White. 

Thank you— even your floors are too highly pol- 
ished. Tell Aunt Kitty and little Imogen that I 
shall walk in Kensington Gardens to-morrow morn- 
ing at ten. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Little Imogen ! Haw, haw ! 

Valentine White. 
Well? 

Brooke Twombley. 

I think it will pretty considerably wound your 
susceptibilities to hear that my sister Imogen is be- 
ing presented by the Mater this afternoon. 

Valentine White. 
[In horror.'] Presented ! 

Brooke Twombley. 
Presented at Court — Drawing-Eoom, you know. 

Valentine White. 
How dare they ! poor little child ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 9 

Brooke Twombley. 

Haw, haw ! If you'll wait a few minutes you'll 
see an imposing display of trains and feathers. 
Some of them are coming on here after the cere- 
mony to drink tea, I believe. 

Valentine White. 

Trains and feathers ! Good gracious, Brooke, 
Imogen must have grown up ! 

Brooke Twoimbley. 

Here's her portrait — wliat? 

Valentine White. 

[Staring at the portrait^ I am right, Brooke — she 
has grown up ! 

Brooke Twombley. 
Haw! 

Valentine White. 

Eight years ago she was a romp, with a frock that 
always had a tear in it, and a head like a cornfield 
in the wind. Just look at this ! While I've been 
away they've give her a new frock and brushed her 
hair. What an awful change ! 

[Probyn appears at the conservatory entrance.^ 

Probyn. 
Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

[Lady Euphemia Vibart, a handsome, distinguished- 
looking, and elegantly dressed girl of about 
twenty, enters. She scarcely notices Valentine, 
who bows formally. \ 



10 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Euphemia Vibabt. 
No one has returned yet, Brooke. 

Bkooke Twombley. 
Effie, don't you recollect Mr. White ? 

Lady Euphemia Vibabt. 
Oh ! how do you do ? \She shakes hands with him 
in an affected manner.] We are distantly related, I 
remember. 

Valentine White. 
Lady Euphemia, I join you in remembering the 
relationship — and the distance. 

Lady Edphemia Vibabt. 
Oh, I don't mean that, Mr. White. At any rate, 
we were excellent friends many years ago when our 
cousin Imogen used to give us tea in her school- 
room. She will be too rejoiced at your return. 

Beooke Twombley. 
[At the window.] Hullo, I think pa has come 
home. 

Valentine White. 
Good-by, Lady Euphemia. 

Brooke Twombley. 
I say, Effie, Mr. White won't stay. 

Lady Euphemia Vibabt. 
What a pity ! 

Brooke Twombley. 
He has turned against civilization, you know, and 
has become a sort of pleasant cannibal. 



THE CABINET IIINISTER 11 

Lady Euphemia Vib.\rt. 

A cannibal ! That is too interesting. Pra}' re- 
main, Mr. White. My brother, Lord Drumdurris, is 
on duty at the Palace to-day and is coming on here. 
We all knew each other as children. He will be too 
delighted. 

Valentine White. 

I recollect Lord Vibart, as he then was, very well. 
He once burnt me with a red-hot poker. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Good-lmmoredly, I am sure. Perhaps you have 
not heard that he married Lady Egidia Cardelloc, 
Lord Struddock's second daughter, about two years 
ago. If you stay you will meet her also. 

Valentine White. 

Ah, I am afraid I — I 

Lady Euphemia Vibaet. 

You will find her too enchanting. 

Brooke Twombley. 
No, he won't. She's not tattooed or anything. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
They have a little son, just five months old, who 
is too divine. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Ah, now, if you boiled the baby it might be to 
Val's taste. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
As they have been constantly travelling, Egidia is 



12 THE CABINET MINISTER 

only just presented to-day by my mother. You 
recollect Lady Drumdurris, my mother ? 

Valentine White. 
Perfectly. 

Brooke Twoimbley. 

\Poking V.\lentine in the szWe.] Old Lady Drum ! 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

My mother will be too charmed to meet you again. 

[Probyn e.nters.'] 

Probyn. 
[2b Brooke.] Sir Julian is coming into the con- 
servatory, sir. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Pa ! [Probyn goes out.^ 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
Oh, dear Sir Julian ! \_She runs ou(.] 

Valentine White. 
Look sharp, Brooke. Let me out. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Val, I'll tell you what. Come upstairs and smoke 
a cigarette in my room, and 111 bring the Mater and 
Imogen to you on the cj[uiet when the people are 
gone. 

Valentine White. 
AVhy, Brooke, do you think that Aunt Kitty and 
Imogen want a roving relative on the premises who 
isn't worth tuppence ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 13 

Brooke Twombley. 

Bosh ! Look out, here's pa ! He seems awfully 
mumpish. Come on. 

[He takes Valentine out. Directly they are gone Lady 
EuPHEMiA re-enters with Sir Julian Twombley, 
an aristocratic hut rather weak-looking man of 
about fifty -five, wearing his Ministerial uniform.] 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Are you pleased to get back, uncle ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[Emphatically.] Yes. 

[She places him in the arm-chair. He sinks into 
it with a sigli.] 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
How is your neuralgia ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Intense. It has been so ever since 



since 



Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

[Putting her smelling-bottle to his nose.] Ever 
? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Ever since I took office. Thank you. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
Was it a very brilliant Drawing-Room ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I think it must have been. I have been more 
than usually trodden upon. 



14 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Did 3^ou ciitcli a glimpse of Aunt Kitty or of any 
of our people ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I Jieard Lady Twombley. AVhat inexhaustible 
spirit she has ! Euphemia, my dear, I confide in 
you. But for Lady Twombley I could never endure 
the badgering, the browbeating, the hackling, for 
which I seem especially selected. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
It's too unjust. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Oh, I know I am going to have a bad time in the 

House to-night ! 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Don't dwell upon it, uncle. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Euphemia ! [He jumps up almod fiercely '\ 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Uncle Julian ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Certain members of the Opposition are going too 
far. They regard me as a bull in the arena. They 
goad me, they pierce me with questions. And then, 
the lack of journalistic sympathy ! Look here ! 

\^fTe stealthily produces a newspaper from his 
pocket.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 15 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

[Reproachfidly.^ Uncle Julian, you've bouglit a 
newspaper. You promised aunt you never would. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

H'm ! I would have you know, Euphemia, that I 
have not absolutely broken my pledge to Lady 
Twombley. I made Harris, the coachman, purchase 
this. As you drive home drop it out of your car- 
riage window. 

As Lady Euphemia taken the paper from him her 
eyes fall upon a j^ctragj^oph.] 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Oh ! do they mean you, uncle ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Without doubt. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

[Reading.^ " The Square Peg ! " 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Hush ! the servant ! 

[Lady Euphemia crams the paper into her j^ocket. 
Probyn enters, carrying a small music-easel ivith 
some music on it and a flute in a case.] 

Probyn. 
Here, Sir Julian ? 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
Oh, do play, uncle ! 



16 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
\_To Probyn.] Thank you. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
It will soothe you. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[Taking the flute from Probyn.] My only vice, 
Euphemia. [Probyn goes out. Sir Julian 8o?o)f/s a 
mournful note.^ This little friend has iiisj^ired 
some of my most conspicuous oratorical triumphs. 
It has furnished me with many a cutting rejoinder 
for question time. [lie sounds another note.^ Ah, I 
know I am going to have such a bad night in the 
House. 

[He plays. Mrs. Gaylustre enters with Brooke."] 

Lady Euphemia Vibaet. 

[To herself] That woman ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[To Lady Euphemia.] How do you do ? 

[Lady Euphemia stares, inclines her head slightly, 
and goes to Brooke.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
[ To h erself ] Haughty wr e tch ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Mrs. Gaylustre ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Oh, Sir Julian, don't, don't stop ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 17 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I tlioiight I was alone with Lady Eupliemia. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

I am waitiDg to see dear Lady Twomblej^ Ob, 
do permit me to hear that sweet instrument ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Pray sit down ! 

[Sir Julian resumes his seat and plays a plain- 
tive melody. Mrs. Gaylustre listens in a rapt 
attitude.^ 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

[To Brooke.] That person is too odious to me. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Several people have taken her up. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Somehow, being taken up is what she suggests. 

Brooke Twombley. 

She seems a sort of society mermaid — half a lady 
and half a milliner — what ? Only it bothers you to 
know where the one leaves off and the other begins. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Who is she ? 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
In prehistoric days she was a Miss Lebanon. 
Lord Bulpitt's son, Percy Gaylustre, met her at 
Nice — or somewhere. 



18 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Brooke Twombley. 

Ob, yes, and he married her — or something. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Yes, and now she's a widow — or something. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Why does the Mater encourage her? 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Because Aunt Kate is too good-hearted and im- 
pressionable. But, as a rule, I think Mrs. Gaylustre 
makes a considerable reduction to those who ask 
her to their parties. [Mrs. Gaylustre U bending over 
Sir Julian and turning his music] Look ! 

[Probyn appeal's at the entrance.] 

Probyn. 

Here's Sir Julian, my lady. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Hullo, Mater ! 

[Lady Twombley, a handsome, bright, good-humored 
woman, dressed magnificently in Court dress, 
enters. Probyn retires, and Sir Julian stops 
playing.] 

Lady Twombley. 
\Iiissing Brooke.] Well, Brooke, darling, have 
you wanted your mother ? [Kissing Lady Euphemia.] 
Effie, how sweet you look ! what a dream of a bon- 
net ! [Nods to Mrs. Gaylustre.] How d'ye do, Mrs. 
Gaylustre ? Why, pa ! [She bends over him and 



THE CABINET MINISTER 19 

kliises him.'] You're worried — you've been plaj-ing 
3'our whistle. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Flute, Katlierine. 

Lady Twombley. 

I mean flute. It was my brother Bob who al- 
ways played a whistle when the crops were poor or 
the lambs fell sickly. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I had not the advantage of your brother Robert's 
acquaintance. 

L.\DY Twombley. 

Where's Imogen ? Imogen ! 

Imogen. 
[ w tside. ] Ma m m a ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Come and show yourself to pa. 

[Imogen enters, a pretty girl of about eighteen.] 

Imogen. 
[In Court dress.] EflSe, dear ! Well, Brooke. 

Lady Twombley. 
\_To Sir Julian.] Look at her ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Quite charming ! 

Imogen. 
Well, papa, have you nothing to say to me ! 



20 THE CABINET MINIf^TEB 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

My dear, I hesitate to address such a magnificent 
creature. 

Imogen. 

[Bowing to Sir Julian.] Mamma, I think that 
gentleman wishes to be presented to me. I have no 
objection, if you consider him a person I ought to 
know. 

Lady Twombley. 

\_Kissing Imogen.] Ah, Juhan, our sweet child ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[TaJdng Imogen's hand.] My dear. 

Imogen. 

\_With dignity,'] I am f)leased to make your ac- 
quaintance. I've heard you mentioned very kindly 
by my little friend, Imogen Twombley. Pray sit 
down, and I'll sit on your lap. [Imogen sits on Sir 
Julian's knee and 'puts her arm round hia neck.] Oh, 
papa, I have been so nervous ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

I quite sympathize. I was shockingly nervous 
\vhen / was presented. 

Imogen. 

[Rising hastily.'] Mrs. Gaylustre — I didn't see 
you. 

Lady Twombley. 

[To Brooke and Lady Euphemia.] Dear old Lady 
Leeke, whose wheels we locked in the Park, said 



THE CABINET MINISTER 21 

she had heard Imogen's name mentioned fifty times. 
Mrs. Charhe Lessingham declares nothing j^rettier 
has been seen since her own first season. And it's 
true — that's the best of it ! I saw the child make 
her courtesy ; I was determined I would. I en- 
tered the Throne Room just before her and tum- 
bled through anyhow, with one eye straight in front 
of me and the other screwed round toward my girl. 
There was a general shudder — it was at my squint. 

Sir Julian Twothbley. 
. I trust not, Katherine. 

Lady Twombley. 
When I did get through they gave me my train, 
as much as to say : ''If this belongs to you, take it 
home as soon as possible." But there I stuck in the 
doorway, not budging an inch. I didn't care how 
the officials whispered, and waved, and beckoned ; 
I stood my ground. And then, Julian, then mj 
breath nearly went from me, for I saw her coming ! 
Effie, it was lovely ! Brooke, you would have been 
proud of your sister ! Her cheeks were like the 
outside leaf of a Duchesse de Vallombrosa rose, and 
her eyes like two dewdrops on the top of it ; and 
she had just enough fright in her little heart to 
make her feathers tremble. Then she courtesied. 
Ah, if she had stumbled I should have been by her 
side in an instant — who would have blamed me? 
I'm her mother ! — but she didn't. No, she floated 
toward me — dipping, and dipping, and dipping, 
again and again, as smoothly and gracefully as a 
swan swimming backward ! 

[Lady Twombley embraces Imogen.] 



22 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
I am too glad, Aunt Kitty. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Awfully satisfactory — what ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I remember Lady Liphook's daughter Miriam 
falling and rolling over in the season of '85. 

Lady Twombley. 

Lor' how sorry I feel for anybody who isn't a 
mother ! But, I say, there's a bit that wants taking 
in there. ^Pinching up the shoulder of Imogen's 
dress.^ Gaylustre, you must tell your woman An- 
toinette this won't do. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Oh, Lady Twombley — please ! 

[Mrs. Gaylustre puts her handkerchief to her 
eyes.] 

Lady Twombley. 

My dear, pray forgive me ! I really forgot where 
we were. 

Mrs. Gaylustbe. 

[To Lady Twombley, loith a little soh.] You 
wouldn't hurt my feelings wilfully, I know. 

L.ADY Twombley. 

Not for the world. But it's a little confusing, 
mixing up business with pleasure. Imogen, let 
Lady Effie and Mrs. Gaylustre hear you play your 



THE CABINET MINISTER 23 

lovel}^ harp, but don't let the nasty thing hurt your 
fingers. Brooke, I want to speak to you. 

[Lady Euphemia and Imogen stroll out, followed 
by Mks. Gaylustre.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
[Mournfully.^ Ill dress now, Katherine, and go 
down. 

Lady Twombley. 
Lor', pa, don't speak as if you were thinking of 
our tomb at Kensal Green. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Competent authorities assure me there is quiet to 
be found in the tomb ; I anticipate nothing of that 
kind where I am going to-night. 

[He goes out. Lady Twombley watches his going, 
then turns to Brooke sharply.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Well, have you got it ? 

Brooke Twombley. 
My— er 

Lady Twombley. 
Your skeddle. 

[Brooke hands his schedule to Lady Twombley.] 

Lady Twombley. 

There's a dear boy. [She turns over the leaves, 
gradually her face assumes a look of horror.] " To- 
tal, three thousand ! " 

[She folds thp. schedule, puts it in her pocket, and 
faces 'Brooke fercely with her hands clenched.] 



24 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
You imp ! \_She boxes his right ear soundly.] 

Brooke Twombley. 
Mater ! 

Lady Twombley. 
You villain ! [She boxes his left ear.] 

Brooke Twombley. 
Don't, Mater. 

Lady Twombley. 
Three thousand pounds ! Three thousand times 

I wish you had never been born ! I — !■ [She 

breaks down, puts her arms round Brooke's neck, and 
cries.] Oh, Brooke, my dear, forgive your poor 
mother's vile temper. I've made my Brooke's head 
ache. Oh, my gracious ! 

Brooke Twombley. 

Don't fret. Mater. If you're run rather lovsr at 

Scott's 

Lady Twombley. 

Scott's, Brooke ! When I creep into that bank 
now and ask for my pass-book I have to hold on to 
the edge of the counter, I feel so sick and giddy. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Oh, very well then, Mater, I can wait. Mr. Naza- 
reth, of Burlington Street, will accommodate me for 
a time ; a couple of bills, you know, at three and 
six months — what ? 

Lady Twombley. 
[Speaking in a ivhisper.] Brook}^, Brooky, I've 
thought of those dreadful things for myself. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 25 

Beooke Twombley. 

For yourself, Mater ! Why, you can always get 
the right side of i)a. 

L.\DY Twombley. 

Brooke ! Brooky, I must tell you. Just now 
poor pa has no right side. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Mater ! 

Lady Twombley. 

It's as much as the dear man can do to get a rat- 
tle out of his keys. For a long time, Brooke, we've 
all been outrunning the constable. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Eeally, Mater, I ought to have been consulted be- 
fore. 

Lady Two^ibley. 

I know, Brooke, but I couldn't face my boy's re- 
proaches. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Pa must have. been inexcusably reckless — what! 

Lady Twombley. 
No, it's all my fault, every bit of it. 

[^ pretty melody on the harp is heard.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Brooke, never marry a country-bred girl as your 
pa did. When he fell in love with me I was con- 
tent with three frocks a year — think of that ! — and 
had to twist up my own hats. And I could have 



26 THE CABINET MimSTER 

done it forever down at Cleverton, but I didn't 
stand the transplanting. Oh, I'll never forget how 
the fine folks snubbed me and sneered at me when 
I came to town. Brooke, my son, I declare to good- 
ness that for ten long years I never saw a nose that 
wasn't turned up ! And then pa got his baronetcy, 
and old Lady Drumdurris gave us her forefinger to 
shake, and that did it. But it was too late ; I was 
spoilt by that time. I had been too long fishing for 
friends with dances, and dinners, and drags, and 
race-parties, and all sorts of bait ; and when the 
time came for a few people to like me for my own 
stupid, rough self I'd got into the way of scattering 
sovereigns as freely as I used to sprinkle mignon- 
ette seed in my little garden at the Yale Farm. 

Brooke Twombley. 

All this is very painful. Mater — what ? 

Lady Twombley. 

[Crying.] What a silly woman I've been, Brooke ! 

Brooke Twombley. 

We're all thoughtless at times. 

Lady TwoSieley. 

If I had but pulled in when pa's Irish rents be- 
gan to dwindle ! 

Brooke Twombley. 

Why didn't you, Mater ? 

Lady Twombley. 
I don't know, but I didn't. I only prayed for 



THE CABINET MINISTER 2T 

better times and ordered Gillow to refurnish the 
dining-room. Last season I got through eighteen 
thousand pounds ! 

Brooke Twombley. 
Oh! 

\_8he twists him round, pointing to the walls of the 
conservatory ] 

Lady Twombley. 

And look ! Look at this sixpenny Algerian grotto 
I've stuck in the middle of the house. Seven 
thousand four hundred and fifty this cost, not 
counting the hot-water pipes. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Is it paid for ? 

Lady Twombley. , 

Your dear pa transferred the money for it to my 
account at Scott's, but I've gone and spent it on other 
things. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Mater ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Oh, my poor heart ! 

Brooke Twosibley. 

Well, Mater, any assistance I can render you in 
this emergency 

Lady Twombley. 

Ah, I know. [Seizing his hand and kissing it.'] 
My Brooke ! my comfort ! 



28 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Probyn. 

[^Outside.'] Lady Drumdurris — Dowager Lady 
Drumdurris. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Egidia and Aunt Dora. 

Lady Twombley. 

[ Wiping her eyes.^ Your aunt mustn't see me up- 
set. Brooke, don't think anything more of what 
I've told you. I've tumbled into the mud before 
now, but mud dries to dust and I've always man- 
aged to shake it off. Dora ! 

[The Dowager Countess of Drumdurris enters — a 
portly, rather formidable -looking lady of forty- 
five or fifty, in Court dress and diamonds.'] 

Lady Twombley. 

"Well, Dora, are you tired ? 

Dowager. 

I hope I am never fatigued in doing my duty to 
my family, Kate. Here is poor Egidia. 

[Egidia, Countess of Drumdurris eiiters — a small, 
ser'ious girl, with a great deal of presence and 
dignity y also in Court dress.\ 

Egidia. 

How do you do. Lady Twombley ? 

Lady Twombley. 

Wliy, poor Egidia ! Aren't you well, deai' ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 29 

Dowager. 

Egidia received a telegram from Scotland tins 
morning ; her son lias cut his first tooth, during her 
absence, painfully. 

Lady Twoiubley. 
Oh, dear ! 

Egidia. 
You also are a mother, Lady Twombley. You can 
sympathize with such cares as those I am now en- 
deavoring to sustain. 

[L-\DY Euphemia and Imogen stroll iw.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Your boy is five months old, isn't he? 

Egidia. 
Fergus is precisely five months. 
Lady Twombley. 
Well, there are two-and-twenty more teeth to 
come yet, you know. 

Egidia. 
Yes, I am schooling myself into that conviction. 
I am naturally, I hope, a woman of more than or- 
dinary courage. 

[Probyn appears at the entrance.] 

Probyn. 
Lord Drumdurris. 

[The Earl of Drumdurris, a boyish-looking officer of 
the Guards, in uniform, luith much dignity and 
reserve, enters.] 



30 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Eakl of Drumdueris. 
How do you do, Lady Twombley ! Egidia. 

Dowager. 
Keith, you have further news from Scotland ? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Another telegram. 

Egidia. 
Ah! 

\_She puts her hand calmly in that of the Dowager.] 

Dowager. 
Tell us, my son. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Another tooth. 

[Egidia closes her eyes. The Dowager kisses her 
upon the brow.'] 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
I offered Lady Macphail and Sir Colin the use of 
my brougham, but they preferred coming on here 
in their chariot. 

Lady Twombley. 
Lady Macphail and Sir Colin ! Coming here ! 

Dowager. 
[To Lady Twombley.] I haven't told you what 
I've done. Keith ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
[Bowing.] Certainly. 

[Rejoins the others, icho are talking together.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 31 

Dowager. 

\To Lady Twombley.] I have a motive. My 
whole life has been one vast comprehensive motive. 
Lady Macphail is the little woman to whom I intro- 
duced you on the stairs at the Palace. 

Lady Twombley. 

Well, but 

Dowager. 

I encountered her again, and delivered a message 
from you begging her to come on here with Sir 
Colin to drink tea. 

Lady Twombley. 
I never 

Dowager. 

I know 5^ou didn't. My motive is this. She has 
just brought her boy to London. 

Lady Twombley. 

Is he the great man in the kilt I saw holding on 
to her lappets ? 

Dowager. 
Yes. 

Lady Twombley. 

He's thirty, if he's an hour. 
Dowager. 

He's more. But he is a fine example of the grand 
simplicity that exists in many Scottish families. 
Proprietor of eighty thousand acres, head of a great 
clan, Colin Macphail of Ballocheevin remains a child 
attached to his mother. 



32 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
Oil, I shall be very happy to 

Dowager. 
Ah, you grasp my motive ! 

Lady Twombley. 
No, I don't. 

Dowager. 

[In Lady Twombley's ear.^ Imogen, 

Lady Twombley. 
Imogen ? 

Dowager. 

Imogen must make a match this season and marry 
before the year is out. 

Lady Twombley. 
Why? 

Dowager. 

Don't deceive yourself, Kate Twombley. You 
are aware that Julian's position in the Ministry is 
precarious ? 

Lady Twombley. 

You think so ? 

Dowager. 

Everybody thinks so. It's my opinion they'll 
make a Jonah of him and cast him from them before 
many months are over. You know what that 
means ? 

Lady Twombley. 

Horrible ! Julian giving up public life and set- 



THE CABINET MINISTER 33 

tling- down in some dismal swamp as a country gen- 
tleman. He has threatened it. 

Dowager. 

Very well then ; you must assure your children's 
future before the blow falls. What could you do 
for Imogen in the country ? 

Lady Twombley. 

A vicar or a small squire. 

Dowager. 

More likely a curate or a farmer. Will you re- 
sign yourself to that? 

Lady Twombley. 

Never, Dora ! I never will ! I've had to swallow 
the husks of London and my chicks shall have the 
barley. Julian ahall hold on till they have made 
brilliant marriages ! 

Dowager. 
Ah! 

Lady Twombley. 

He shall ! Afterward I'll go back to darning 
stockings with a light heart. 

Dowager. 

Well spoken, Kate Twombley ! 

[Probyn ap2oears at the entrance.'^ 

Probyn. 

Sir Colin and Lady Macphail. 



34 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Dowager. 
[To Lady Twombley.] You see my motive ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Yes, Dora. 

[Lady Macphail and Sir Colen enter — she a simple 
little old woman in Court dress, ecstatically senti- 
mental ; he a formidable-looking bearded man 
about six feet high, in full Highland costume, 
bashful and awkward in manner, and keeping close 
to his mother.] 

Lady Twombley. 

[To Lady Macphail.] I am delighted to see you 
here. 

Lady IMacphail. 

[Presenting Macphail.] My boy. [He shelters him- 
self behind her and bows uneasily.'] I have determined 
to give the lad a season in this mighty city, Lady 
Twombley. 

Lady Twombley. 

Ah, he'll enjoy himself, I'm sure. 

Lady Macphail. 

Nay, the Macphails never enjoy themselves in the 
South. 

Lady Twombley. 

I'm very sorry ; perhaps they don't go the right 
way about it. 

Lady Macphail. 

Already Colin's feet ache 



THE CABINET MINISTER 35 

Lady Twombley. 
Do they ? 

Lady Macphail. 

Ache to press the heather again, searching for a 
sight of the red-deer in the misty chasms of Ben 
Muchty, or the wild birds fluttering on the gray 
shore of Loch-na-Doich. 

Lady Twombley. 

Ah, very pretty country, I dare say. 

Lady Macphail. 

Where would you be, Colin, at this hour at Castle 
Ballocheevin ? Watching the sun sink behind the 
black peak of Ben-na-Vrachie ? Speak, lad ! 

Macphail. 
ISadly.'] That is so, mother. 

Lady Twombley. 
Do you do that every evening at home ? 

Macphail. 
Aye. 

Lady Macphail. 

Ah, a Macphail always feels like a seagull with a 
broken wing in the South. 

Lady Twombley. 
You must take care you don't get him run over. 



36 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Probyn. 

\_Aiypearing at the entr-ance.] Tea is in the yellow 
room, my lady. 

[Drumdurris, Brooke, Eqidia, and Lady Euphe- 
MiA go out.] 

Dowager. 
[Introducing Imogen.] Lady Macphail— Sir Colin. 
My niece, Imogen. Imogen take Sir Colin to tea. 

Imogen. 
This way, Sir Colin. 

Dowager, 
[To Lady Twombley.] You see my motive? 

Imogen. 
[Waiting for Macphail. J Tea is in this room, Sir 
Colin. 

Macphail. 
[Looking at Imogen, and then, appealingly, at Lady 
Macphail.] Come, mother. 

[Imogen, Macphail, and Lady Macphail go out.] 

Dowager. 
[To Lady Twombley, as they go toward l.c] He is 
impressed ! 

[Sir Julian, in evening dress, enters with a letter in his 
hand.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Katherine ! Katherine ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Pa? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 37 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I must speak to you. 

Lady Twombley. 
But Dora has just brought a Highland youth here. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I can't help it. 

Lady Twombley. 

What's wrong, pa? How pale and waxy you 
look! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[Handing her the letter.^ An urgent letter from 
old Mr. Mason, my solicitor, about my affairs. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, Lor', pa — another ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
You have it upside dow^n. 

Lady Twombley. 

Everything connected with our affairs will get 
that way. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Mason is imperative. 

Lady Twombley. 

He insists upon your considering your pecuniary 
position. 

Sir Julian Twoivibley. 
What shall I do ? 



38 THE CABINET MINISTER 

L.\DY TWOMBLEY. 

Accede to his request — consider it. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
But I am constantly considering it ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Hush, pa ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

No man's pecuniary position has ever demanded or 
received more consideration than my own. Day and 
night my pecuniary position lashes my brain into 
the consistency of a whipped egg. 

Lady Twombley. 
Pa, be calm ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Kate, my pecuniary position interposes between 
me and grave public questions. My very spectacles 
are toned by it. It is in every blue-book, in every 
page of Hansard, in the preamble of every bill. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, dear pa ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

It sits with me in committees, accompanies me 
into the lobbies ; it receives deputations, replies to 
questions in the House ; it forms part of the delib- 
erations of the Cabinet. It warps my political sym- 
pathies ; it distorts my judgment ; it obscures my 
eloquence, and it lames my logic ! [Taking the letter 



THE CABINET MINISTER 39 

from Lady Twombley.] And Mcason — asks — me — to 
consider it ! 

[Leans his head on his hands. She sits on the 
arm of his chair.] 

Lady Twombley. 

[Tearfully.] Julian, you — mustn't — give way. 
Suppose the members of the Opposition saw you 
like this. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[With a groan.] Oh! 

Lady Twombley. 

Think of those persons who sit — where is it ? — 
on the hatchway — or below the gangway, or some 
uncomfortable place. How rejoiced they'd be ! 
[Shaking him gently.] Have courage, Julian — perk 
up, pa dear. 

Sir Julian Tw^ombley. 

I cannot go on, Kitty. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, don't say that ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Mason's letter decides me. 

Lady Twoivibley. 
To do what ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Yield to a sentiment which I have reason to be- 
lieve exists on both sides of the House 



40 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 

Eesign ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Eesign my place in the Ministry — ask for the 
Chiltern Hundreds 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Wind up my affairs in town 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, no ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

And seek peace in rural retirement. 
Lady Twombley. 

You shan't, pa ! Oh, my gracious, you wouldn't 
be so heartless ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Heartless ! 

Lady Twombley. 

[Kneeling beside /ii'm.] Think of my blessed chicks 
— my babies. Don't go under, Julian, till we've given 
them the benefit of our magnificent position 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Our mag 

Lady Twombley, 

Wait till my Brooky — ourBrooky — has won some 
handsome wealthy girl who is worthy of him. Hold 
on till Imogen has made a marriage that will make 



THE CABINET MINISTER 41 

every true mother's mouth water. Then Til settle 
clown with you alone in a marsh. But don't sink 
into obscurity till the end of the year ! I can do 
wonders by Christmas ! Give me till then, pa — 
give me till then ! 

[She throws her arms round his neck. Imogen's harjJ 
is heard again. Mrs. Gaylustee enters.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

The wretches ! how they ignore me ! [Seeing Sir 
Julian and Ijady Twombley.] Ah ! 

[Hiding herself behind a pillar she listens.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

But — but— but if I desperately cling to pub- 
lic life a little longer I must have money. 

Lady Twombley. 

Of course — of course you must have money. But, 
Julian, you must look to me for that. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
You, Katherine ! 

Lady Twombley. 
You must think only of your value to the coun- 
try, and — leave the rest to your wife. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Kitty, you have made some little private hoard 
out of your allowance ! 

Lady Twombley. 
[Sinking faintly onto the settee.] Well, pa. 



42 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
How prudent ! How thoughtful ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Go — go to Dora. Make my excuses. I'll follow 
you when I've pulled myself together. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Yes, yes. [Turning.^ By the way, Kitty, Hop- 
woods have just sent in their bill for erecting this 
conservatory. 

Lady Twombley. 

[Clinging to the back of the chair.] Oh! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

You remember I transferred, at your request, 
seven thousand some odd pounds to your account at 
Scott's when we projected the — h'm ! — pardonable 
little extravagance ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Y-yes. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Hopwoods can wait till midsummer. Perhaps 
you wouldn't mind letting me have the use of the 
money in the meantime ? 

Lady Twombley. 
No, certainly not. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
A check any day this week 



THE CABINET MINISTER 43 

Lady Twombley. 
All days are equally convenient. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Kitty, I will hold on till Christmas ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Thank you, pa— I [She turns to him sud- 
denly.] Oh, pa, I haven't got — I haven't— I 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Haven't what, Kitty ? 

Lady Twombley. 
N— nothing. Go— go to Dora. iHe goes out.'] 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh ! where shall I turn for money ? Where shall 
I turn ? Where shall I turn— for money ? 

[Mrs. Gaylustre advances in front of table and 
faces Lady Twombley.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Ah ! Mrs. Gaylustre ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Oh, Lady Twombley, I am in such distress ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Distress ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

^ [Producing Lady Twombley's letter to Brooke.] I 

picked up a letter in the next room. I thought it 

was the note you wrote me about the plum-colored 

peignoir and that it had fallen from mv pocket. I 



44 THE CABINET MINISTER 

glanced at it. Ob, look ! [_She hands the letter to 
Lady Twombley.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Gracious ! 

Mrs. Gaylustee, 

But that is not the worst. It tells me that you 
are in trouble — you, the best friend I have in the 
world, my benefactress. Oh, what shall I do ? 

Lady Twombley, 
Hold your tongue about it. 

Mrs. Gaylustee. 
Ah ! why did I read it through ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Because you were a little curious, I'm afraid. 

Mrs. Gaylustee. 
I shan't sleep for it. 

Lady Twombley. 
Thank you, I can do all my own lying awake. 
Mind your own concerns for the future, Gaylustre. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
It is my concern when I can help you. 

Lady Twombley. 
You help me ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Ah, yes. Oh, let me. Lady Twombley ! I don't 
ask to be confided in, I only ask to be allowed to 
bring my brother to see you — to-night — to-morrow. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 45 

Lady Twombley. 
Your brother ? 

Mks. Gaylusi're. 

^ Mr. Lebanon — my Joseph. I would trust him as 

I'd trust myself. I have known him do such 

things in the way of raising money upon what he 

calls personal and other security 

Lady Twombley. 
A money-lender ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Lady Twombley ! Oh ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Does Mr. Lebanon help — people— in difficulties ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Oh, doesn't he ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Will you see him, Lady Twombley ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Don't ask me. Perhaps. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
To-night ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Perhaps, I tell you. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
At what time ? 



46 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
Half-past nine — sharp. 

Mrs. Gaylustee. 
[To herself.'] Done ! 

[Sir Julian enter h with Lady Macphail, Macphail, and 
the Dowager. Brooke /bZ/oi/?s with Drumdurris, 
then after an interval Lady Euphemia, Egidia, and 
Imogen appear.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[To Lady Twombley, reprovingly.'] My dear, Lady 
Macphail and Sir Colin are going. 

Dowager. 

[To Lady Twombley.] You are neglecting them. 
What can be your motive ? 

Lady Twombley. 

[To Lady Macphail.] I hope Sir Julian has ex- 
plained— — 

Lady Macphail. 
Certainly. 

[Sir Julian joins Brooke and Drumdurris.] 

Lady Macphail. 

But I must take my boy away. He dines at six 
to avoid late hours. [Imogen talhs to Macphail.] 

Dowager. 

[Quietly to Lady Twombley.] Look ! they are talk- 
in jr. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 47 

L.\DY Macphail. 
Colin rises at five every morning. 

Lady Twombley. 
Dear me, how awful ! 

L.\DY IVIacphail. 

He loves to watch the sunrise from the jagged 
summit of Ben-na-fechan. 

Lady Twombley. 
But there's no Ben-na-what-you-may-call-it here. 

Lady Macphail. 
No. But he sits upon the roof of our lodgings in 
Clarges Street. Good-by, Lady Twombley. 

[They shake hands.] 
Lady Twombley. 
[To Macphail.] Good-by. You must come and 
see me on one of my Tuesdays. 

Macphail. 
Aye, with my mother. 

[He turns to Imogen ; they shake hands.] 

Imogen. 
Good-by, Sir Colin. 

Dowager. 
[To Lady Twombley.] There again ! look ! 

Brooke Twombley. 
Why, here's Valentine ! Valentine ! 



48 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 

[Inquiringly J\ Valentine ? 

[Bkooke brings on Valentine.] 

Valentine White. 

[To Brooke.] Let me go ! I was trying to find 
my way out. ' 

Brooke Twombley. 

[To Lady Twombley.] Here's Valentine, come 
back. 

Imogen. 
Valentine ! 

Valentine White. 
Imogen ! 

Imogen. 

Oh, my dear Val ! My dear old Val ! 

[She rushes to him impulsively and flings her 
arms round his neck, at ivhich the Dowager 
gives a cry of horror, and there is a general 
movement of astonishment.^ 



end of the first act. 



THE SECOND ACT. 

Difficulties. 

The scene is a handsomely decorated and elegantly 
furnished morning -y^oom at Sir Julian T womb- 
ley's, with every evidence of luxury and refined 
taste. It is a July morning. 

Sir Julian is playing his flute. 

Mr. Melton, a good-looking, well-dressed young man^ 
enters carrying a few sheets of paper. 

Mr. Melton. 
Pardon me. [Sir Julian's flute gives a squeak.'] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Ob, Melton ? 

, Mr. Melton. 
The arrangements for this morning are quite 
complete. Sir Julian. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
The arrangements ? 

Mr. Melton. 

The arrangements for the opening of the new 

street. 



50 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Oh, to be sure ; I open the new street to-day. 
Why on earth shouldn't a new street be opened by 
a policeman during the night, quietly ? 

YThe Dowager Lady Drumdurris, faHhionably dressed 
for out of doors, enters.'] 

Dowager. 
[In a flutter.'] Julian, good -morning. A glorious 
day for the ceremony, Mr. Melton. Is everything 
arranged ? 

Mr. IMelton. 
[Bowing.] Everything. 

Dowager. 

I have a motive for asking. I and my family ac- 
company Sir Julian and Lady Twombley to lend 
weight and support. 

Mr. Melton. 
\To Sir Julian.] You leave here at twelve, reaching 
the new street at half-past. You speak from the 
cluster of lamps by St. Jude's Church. 

Dowager. 
Your speech will be terse, elegant, and vigorous, 
I hope, Julian ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I hope so. Have you written it, Melton ? 

[Melton hands him the sheets of paper.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Thank you. The usual thing, I suppose ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 51 

Mr. Melton. 
Quite^ quite. 

Sir Jull\n Twombley. 

Thank you. There's nothing like the usual thing. 
[Referring to the speech.'] " By opening up these 
majestic avenues London takes beer " 

Mr. Melton. 
Air. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I beg your pardon. " takes air into her system 

and keejDS her place in the race with her sister cities." 
Excellent. 

Dowager. 

Who will throw the bottle ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

No one, I hope. 

Mr. Melton. 

You are thinking of the christening of a ship, 
Lady Drumdurris. 

Dowager. 
Pardon me. 

Mr. Melton. 

I have to see Superintendent Snudden now as to 
the police arrangements. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Dear me ! You anticipate no pellets ? 

Mr. Melton. 
Hardly. 



52 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
It's so unfortunate it isn't a wet day. 

Dowager. 
Julian ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

An umbrella is such a safeguard. 

Mr. Melton. 
I'll see that the carriage closes easily. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Thank you. And Lady Twombley might take an 
extra sunshade. 

[Melton goes out. The Dowager closes the door 
carefully after /im.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[Reading.'] "I can conceive no position more 
agreeable to a Minister of the Crown than that 
which " 

DovrAGER. 

Julian ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Dora ? 

Dowager. 

You wonder why I am with you at this early 
hour. I need hardly say I have a motive. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I suppose so. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 53 

Dowager. 
Knowing that you were not going down to Brown- 
ing Street this morning, and that Lady Twombley 
and Imogen were to take Euphemia shopping in 
Bond Street, I grasped the chance of seeing j^ou 
alone. Julian, what has happened to your wife ? 

Sir Jull\n Twombley. 

To Katherine ? 

Dowager, 

There is a shocking change. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Recently ? 

Dowager. 

It began two or three months ago. She's not the 
woman she was at the commencement of the season. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
You alarm me. In what way ? 

Dowager. 
Every way. Her appearance. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I haven't noticed it. 

Dowager. 
Being her husband, it is natural you should not. 
Her variable temperament ! At one moment she 
looks as if she would like to bury everybody, me es- 
pecially ; the next she is laughing in a manner I 
must designate as positively provincial. 



54 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Dora, you quite distress me. 

Dowager. 
I came early for that purpose. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Thank you. 

Dowager. 

Perhaps you resent my interference. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
No, no. 

Dowager. 

It would not deter me if you did. The grand 
motive of my life is a firm, undeviating, persistent 
policy of practical interference. I am a social war- 
rior ; the moment I scent domestic carnage I hurl 
myself into the melee and plant my flag. Julian, 
my flag is planted in your household. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

But I am aware of nothing disquieting to Kath- 
erine's peace of mind. 

Dowager. 
Don't tell me ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Two or three months ago there was a little diffi- 
culty 

Dowager. 
Ah! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 55 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
But it was mine, not Katherine's 

Dowager. 
Yours ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Frankly, I was embarrassed for ready money. 

Dowager. 
Oh, dear ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

But Katherine, who is really of an extremely 
thrifty nature, promptly placed her very considera- 
ble savings at my disposal, and the difficulty ceased. 

Dowager. 

It never struck me your wife was thrift}'. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Nor me till that moment. Which shows how 
liable the most careful observer is to error. [i?e- 
suming the study of his speech.] Pray excuse me. 

Dowager. 

[To herself.] Um ! [She goes up to the window.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[Studying.] " I can conceive no position more 

agreeable to a Minister of the Crown " I'll go 

upstairs, quietly. " than that which I occupy 

upon this occasion." 

[He moves softly toioard the door. The Dowa- 
ger turns suddenly.] 



56 THE CABINET IIINISTEB 

Dowager. 
Julian ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Dora ? 

Dowager. 

I don't like your wife's great friendship for Mrs. 

Gaylustre. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Katherine finds lier a bright companion. 

Dowager. 

Katherine has my companionship. It's true I 
can't cut a sleeve like that lady. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

It is to be regretted that poor Mrs. Gaylustre is 
forced to follow the modern fashion of increasing 
her income by devices formerly practised only by 
the lower middle-classes. 

Dowager. 

She sticks pins in her bosom as though she rel- 
ished it. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

But, after all, Dora, Madame Mauricette, of Plun- 
kett Street, and Mrs. Gaylustre, widow of Lord Bul- 
pitt's son, are two very distinct persons. Excuse 
me. [^He continues studying his speech.] 

Dowager. 
But what was she before her marriage ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 57 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

You must really give me notice of that question — 
I beg your pardon— I don't know. 

Dowager. 

This lady now walks into your house as if it were 
her own ! 

Sir Julian Twoivibley. 
Ah! 

Dowager. 

Your wife is positively canvassing for invitations 
for her ! Julian ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I shall be unprepared with my speech ! 

Dowager. 

My family comes before everything ! 

[Probyn enters.'] 

Probyn. 

Lord and Lady Drumdurris are inquiring for you, 
my lady. 

Dowager. 

Beg them to come here. [Probyn retires.'] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Ah, then, if you'll allow me 

Dowager. 

No, Julian. This is another family matter of ter- 
rible importance. 



58 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

My dear Dora ! 

Dowager. 

Keith and Egidia approach you at this early hour 
at my instigation. I have a painful motive. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Oh, dear me ! 

[Egidia enters, dressed in fashionable walking cosliune, 
her face pale and troubled.^ 

Egidia. 
\_Sadly.^ Sir Julian. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
My dear Egidia, there is nothing amiss, I hope ? 

Egidia, 
Ah ! Everything is amiss, Sir Julian. 

Dowager. 
Julian, the relations between my son and his wife 
have become terribly strained. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
No, no ! 

Egidia. 
Indeed, yes ! 

Dowager. 
I have done all in my power to relieve the hor- 
rible tension — if anything, I have made matters 
worse. My hope is now centred in you. Here is 
Keith. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 59 

Egidia. 



Ah! 



[Egidia sits upon a settee staring before her. Drum- 
DURRis enters, looking much ivorried.] 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

Ah, mother. \_Grasping Sir Julian's hand with 
feeling.^ Sir Julian. 

[lie and his ivife look severehj at one another and 
draw themselves wp.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
My dear Keith, what can I do for j'ou ? 

Earl of Drumdurris, 
Ha ! Explain, mother. 

Dowager. 
Julian, my son and his wife have cordially agreed 
to refer their grave differences to your judgment. 

Egidia. 

Without binding ourselves to abide by Sir Julian's 
decision. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Naturally. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Pray tell me the cause of dispute. 

Dowager. 
The future of their child. 

Egidia. 

Ah, yes. 



60 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Dowager. 
The adjustment of the career he is to follow. 

Earl of Deumdurris. 
That is precisely it. 

Dowager. 
[To Drumdurris.] Where is Fergus ? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
He accompanied us. 

Egidia. 
He is with Angele in the next room. 

Dowager. 
[Galling at the door.^ Angele ! Angele ! 

Angele. 
[Outside.'] Milady? 

Dowager. 
Bring Lord Aberbrothock here. 

[Angele, a French nurses characteristically dressed, 
enters, carrying a richly dressed infant. Drum- 
durris and Egidia look into its face together.] 

Angele. 
Figurez-vous, milord, qu'il a dormi pendant tout 
le trajet ! et puis quand je suis descendue de voiture, 
il s'est reveille en pleurant ... ah mais,en pleurant ! 

Dowager. 
Give me Lord Aberbrothock. [She takes the child 
from Angele.] Wait in the next room, Angele. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 61 

Angele. 

Yes, miladi. J'esp^re bien que Monsieur le 
Vicomte ne va plus crier, car ya pourrait faire de la 
peine a sa grand'maman. [x\ngele goes ouf] 

Dowager. 

Now, Julian, this is the point. You see Fergus. 
Politics or the Army ? 

Egidia. 
Politics. 

Earl of Deumdukris. 
The Army. 

Dowager. 

Pray speak, Julian. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Er — um — perhaps it would be rather precipi- 
tate 

Egidia. 

I differ entirely. The child's intelligence must be 
directed into a particular channel from the begin- 
ning. 

Earl of Drumdueris. 

In that I heartily concur. For instance, the ques- 
tion of toys is already most urgent. 

Egidia. 

He is without playthings at present, so his mind 
is quite oj^en. 

Dowager. 

You appear to have no views, Julian. 



62 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Egidia. 

Lady Drumdurris, let Sir Julian look at the 
height aud character of Fergus's brow. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Pray do. It's a soldier's forehead. 

Dowager. 
Julian. [She hands the infant to Sir Julian.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Thank you. Politics or the Army ? [Addressing 
the child in his ai^ms.] My dear Fergus, take my 
advice, not, not politics. 

Egidia. 
Ah! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

If you attach any trifling importance to varacity 
as a habit, not politics. If you would care at any 
time upon any subject to form your own opinions, 
and having formed them, would wish to maintain 
them, 7iot politics. If you desire to be of the small- 
est service to your fellow man, and if you would sleep 
as peacefully at sixty as you now sleep at six months, 
not politics. 

Egidia. 
Sir Julian ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
The Army ! 

Egidia. 
Never ! 



THE CABINET MINTSTER 63 

Dowager. 

This is most distressing. [^Calling at the open 
doo7\] Angele ! Angele ! 

Lady Twombley. 
[Heard outside.] Why, Dora ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Katherine. 

[Lady Twombley enters ivith Imogen and Lady Eu- 
PHEMiA in walking costmnes.] 

Lady Twombley. 
How good of you to come early ! [Kissing 
Egidia.] Egidia, dearest ! [To Drumdueris.] Good- 
morning, Keith. Ah ! you've brought Fergus to see 
me ! The angel ! 

[With cries of delight Lady Twombley, Imogen, 
and Lady Euphemia gather round Sir Julian 
and the baby.] 

Lady Twombley. 
The pet I 

Imogen. 
The mite ! 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
He is too sweet ! 

The Three. 
Oh— h— h ! 

[Brooke enters.] 

Brooke Twombley. 

[Shaking hands with Drumdurris.] Hallo, what's 
the matter? 



64 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Earl of Drumdukeis. 
[With dignity.^ They are looking at my son. 

[Angele has entered. She takes the infant front Sir 
Julian.] 

Lady Twombley. 
We've enjoyed a splendid hour in Bond Street — 
in and out of twenty shoj^s, eh, girls ? 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
Yes, Aunt Kate. 

Imogen. 
Yes, mamma. 

Lady Twombley. 
Bought all we could think of and ordered the rest. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
My dear ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Then why don't they abolish Bond Street ? It's 
the crucible of London — set your foot in it and 
everything about you that's metal dissolves. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Aunt has been too extravagant this morning. 
Lady Twombley. 

Extravagant ! I ! Oh, no — only I dearly wish 
there was no such plague as money. If the little 
words " thank you " were the one universal current 
coin, what anxieties, what cravings, what follies 
some poor women would be spared ! Why can't 
we buy choice stuffs at three-and-a-half thank-yous 
a yard ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 65 

Lady Euphemia Yibart. 

Oh, Aunt Kate ! 

Imogen. 
Mamma ! 

Lady Twombley, 

It's nothing" to laugh at. Ah, girls, if " thank 
you " paid for everything, being out of breath would 
be our only bankruptcy ! Oh, my poor brain ! 

Imogen. 
[To Sir Julian.] Mamma has a bad headache 
to-day, papa. 

Lady Twombley. 

A headache ! never ! Girls, what is it we bought 
and brought home with us ? I forget. 

Imogen. 
We didn't buy him, mamma — we met him. You 
mean Cousin Valentine. 

Lady Twombley. 
\Looking round.'] Of course — Valentine. Where 
is he? [Galling.'] Valentine I 

[Valentine enters very plainly dressed.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Mr. White ! [Boiving stiffly.] How do you do? 

Brooke Twombley. 
Why, Val ! What ? 

Lady Twombley. 
We met the poor boy outside the tourists' ticket 
office in Piccadilly. He's off again to-morrow. 



66 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Beooke Twombley. 
Off! Where to? 

Valentine White. 
Egypt. 

Lady Twombley. 
We shan't see him again for another ten years, I 
suppose. 

Imogen. 
Oh, mamma ! 

Lady Twombley. 
The odd creature has heard of a congenial tribe 
who reside in excavations cut in a rock. It'll end in 
my having a nephew who's a mummy. 

Imogen. 
[Tearfully.'] Oh, don't! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Katherine, this child is not well. 

Imogen. 
Yes, I am, papa — but I don't like — the idea-r-of 
parting — with anybody or anything — even a k-k-kit- 
ten. 

Lady Twombley. 
[Soothingly.] Imogen, my dear ! 

Imogen. 
Be quiet, mamma ! 

[The Dowager, Lady Euphemia, Egidia, and An- 
gele with the baby go out. Imogen runs after 
them. Sir Julian resumes the study of his 
speech. Lady Twombley opens some letters 
which are lying on the table.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 67 

Bkooke Twombley. 
[To Valentine.] I never knew such a queer chap ! 
Come upstairs and tell us all about it — what ? 

[Brooke, Valentine, and Drumdukris go oid.l 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Katherine ? 

Lady Twombley. 

It's all right, pa — it's nothing. [To herself.'] 
Gay lustre ! [Reading a letter.'] "I will accompany 
you and dear Sir Julian to the interesting ceremony 
of this morning. Pray keep me a seat in your car- 
riage." [ Crashing the letter in her hand.] The de- 
mon ! The relentless demon ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

" I can conceive no position more agreeable to a 
Minister of the Crown " 

Lady Twombley. 

Pa, dear, Mrs. Gaylustre will go with us to the 
opening of the new street. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

H'm ! Katherine, are you sure that Mrs. Gay- 
lustre is quite 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, quite. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

If I were you I should really think twice 



68 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
Ob, I can't. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Can't think twice ? 

Lady Twombley. 
I can't risk offending such a — dear friend. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

But, Katheriue 

Lady Twombley. 
Understand me, pa — she will sit in our carriage. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Then understand me, Katherine, I will not have 
my knees cramped by a lady whose social status is 
equivocal. 

Lady Two]\ibley. 

Ah ! Julian ! Don't attempt to come between me 
and Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Katherine ! 

Lady Twombley. 

You will assist her into the carriage, you will help 
her to alight ; when she arrives you will be charmed 
to see her, when she leaves you will be a mass of 
regret. You hear me ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
This is a most extraordinary friendship ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 69 

Lady Twombley. 

It is an exceptional friendship. Pa, say you're 
delighted this great friend of mine is to be one of 
us to-day. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Well, to please you, my dear, of course, I 

Lady Twombley. 
Yes? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I am delighted. 

L-\DY Twombley. 
Ah! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[To himself.] I see — I see the change in my 
wife that Dora spoke of. 

[Probyn entei's with cards on a salver. At the same 
moment the Dowager enters and looks out of the 
window.] 

Dowager. 

\To herself.] They are punctual ! 

Lady Twombley. 
[Looking at the cards.] Lady Macphail and Sir 
Colin. Not at home. If ever a woman %vas out I am. 

Dowager. 
[To Probyn.] Stop ! [To Lady Twombley.] Kate, 
what are you doing? This visit is planned by me ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Why? 



70 THE CABINET MINISTER 

DOWAGEE. 

I have a motive. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, Dora ! 

Dowager. 

[To Probyn.] Lady Twombley will see Sir Colin 
and Lady Macphail here. [Probyn goes out.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Ah ! then, if you'll allow me 

Dowager. 
No, Julian. This is another family matter. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Another ! 

Dowager. 

These people have called to formally propose for 
the hand of Imogen. 

Lady Twombley. 
To propose ! 

Dowager. 

Last night, at the ball of the Perth Highlanders 
at Willis's Rooms, I danced the Strathspey and Reel 
with Sir Colin. In the excitement I wrung from 
him an admission of his affection. 

Lady Twombley. 
Pa, what shall we do ? 

Dowager. 
Do? The head of the Clan Macphail! Eighty 
thousand acres I Julian ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 71 

Lady Twombley. 

[To herself.'] If it would provide for Imogen be- 
fore the smash ! 

Dowager. 

If Imogen is a high-minded girl she will be mad 
witli delight. 

Lady Twombley. 

Will she ? [To herself.'] Ah ! and will she learn 
to look down on pa and me when we're aged 
paupers? 

[Probyn enters.] 

Probyn. 

Sir Colin Macphail — Lady Macphail. 

[Lady Macphail enters, dressed simply and quaintly 
in an oldfashioned silk gown, followed closely 
by Macphail, whose clothes are capacious and 
clumsy, and ivho seems very ill at ease. Probyn 
ivithdraws.] 

Dowager. 

Dear Lady Macphail — Sir Colin ! 

Lady Twombley. 

[Shaking hands with L.ady Macphail a??6? Macphail.] 
How do you do? [Eying Macphail.] Oh, dear! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[Shaking hands.] Delighted. 

Lady Twombley. 

[To Macphail, pointing to chair c] Pray sit down. 
You must be fatigued with last night's dance. 



72 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Macphail. 

No Macphail is ever fatigued. But the poor lad 
feels like a caged eagle in the dress of the South. 

Lady Twombley. 
I am sure it is — most becoming. 

Lady Macphail. 
Sit, lad. 

[Macphail sits, hitching up his trousers unhaj:)' 
pily.] 

Lady Macphail. 
You know the object of our visit, Sir Julian ? 

SiE Julian Twombley. 
Lady Drumdurris has hinted 

Lady Macphail. 
The boy is here to pour out the passionate torrent 
of his love for your child Imogen. Speak, Colin. 
[Macphail rouses himself, rises, and looks 7^ound.] 

Macphail. 
Mother — you do it. [^He resumes his seat.l 

Lady Macphail. 
Ah, if we were at Castle Ballocheevin, with the 
wind roaring round Ben Muchty, and the sound of 
the pipers playing by the shores of Loch-na-Doich, 
then you would hear Colin's voice rise loud and 
high. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
As we are denied these obvious advantages, it is 
almost necessary to ask you to explain-^^ — 



THE CABINET MINISTER 73 

Lady IVIacphail. 
The lad has met your child on but three or four 
occasions. 

Macphail. 
Jast three occasions and a bit, mother. 

Lady Macphadl. 
But he loves her with a love that only a Macphail 
can experience. 

Lady Twombley. 
Of course one would like to know precisely the 
kind of affection that is. 

Lady Macphail. 

Naturally. Speak, Colin. 

[^L^.CPH.UL rises, embarrassed.^ 

Macphail. 
I love her well enough. 

Lady Macphail. 
Bravely said ! 

Dowager. 

Delightful. [To Sir Julian and Lady Macphail.] 
A grand nature. 

Lady IMacphail. 
Go on, Colin. 

Macphail. 
That's all, mother. [He resumes his seat.] 

L.\DY Macphail. 
[To Lady Twombley.] You have heard the lad ? 

Lady Twomeley. 
Distinctly. 



74: THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Macphail. 

As we are all to meet next month as Lord Drum- 
durris's guests at Drumdurris Castle, it would be 
well if this engagement were settled at once. 

Dowager. 
Without delay. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
The question, of course, is whether Imogen — 
h'm! 

Lady Twombley. 
Whether Imogen can return the affection 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Which Sir Colin honors her by entertaining. 

Lady Macphail. 
Has the lad j^our permission to pour into her ear 
such impassioned words as he has just uttered to 
us? 

Lady Twoimbley. 

I think there can be no objection to that. 

Dowager. 
Certainly not. 

Lady Macphail. 
When will your daughter grant him an hour for 
that purpose ? 

Lady Twombley. 
An hour f 

Macphail. 
Three-quarters will be enough, mother. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 75 

Lady Macphail. 
Bravely said ! 

Dowager. 
Charming ! 

Lady Twombley. 
When, Jaliau ? 

Sir Julian Twoimbley. 
H'm ! when ? 

Dowager. 
When ? [Imogen's voice is heard outside door r.] 

Imogen. 

{^Oulaide.^ Manama, dear ! 

Dowager. 

When ? I suggest, now. Here is Imogen. 

[Macphail rises hastily and awkwardly. Imogen en- 
ters.'] 

Imogen. 

Oh, I didn't know you had visitors. [Shaking 
hands with Sir Colin and Lady Macphail.] Sir Colin 
— Lady Macphail. 

Dowager. 

Now, Julian, leave them together ! Katherine ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Imogen, my dear. 

[Imogen comes to Sir Julian. Lady Twombley, 
the Dowager, Lady Macphail, and Macphail 
tcdk together.'] 



76 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Talk to Sir Colin for a few moments while I look 
through my speech. 

Imogen. 

• .- - 

Certainly, papa. [Sir Julian goes out.~\ 

Imogen. 

[^Taking a hook from the table.'] What an awful 
task ! 

Lady Macphatl. 

[Quietly to Macphail.] Colin, let her hear how a 
Macphail can love. [Kissing him.] My boy ! 

Lady Macphail. 

\To the Dowager o.nd Lady Twombley.] I'll drive 
round to Lady Macwhirter's and return. Leave 
them ! Ah, the pipers shall play to the home-com- 
ing of a bride at Castle Ballocheevin ! 

[She goes out.'] 
Dowager. 

Come, Katherine. Think of it ! To be the 
mother-in-law of the head of the Clan Macj^hail ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Dora, what's the use of a head with no tongue in 
it? 

[Tlie Dowager and Lady Twombley go out. 
Macphail looks round uneasily.] 

Macphail. 
[To himself.] Where's mother? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 77 

Imogen. 

[To herself.'] Oh, why do they leave us ! [To 
Macphail.] Were you at the dance of the Perth 
Highlanders last night, Sir Colin ? 

Macphail. 
Aye, I was. 

Imoqen. 

Did you dance much ? 

Macphail. 
Aye, I did. 

Imogen. 

[To herself.'] He must make the next remark. 
Macphail. 

[Nerving himself and rising suddenly.] Miss 
Twombley ! 

Imogen. 
Sir Colin ! 

Macphail. 

I — I just wish you had been there. 

Imogen. 
Do you? Why? 

Macphail. 

Because — because — because I'm thinking there 
was room for more people. 

Imogen. 

Oh, of course. [She goes to the window and looks 
out.] Lady Macphail is just driving away. 



78 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Maophail. 
Nol 

Imogen. 

Yes, there she goes. 

[Macphail goes hastily to the window and looks 
out.^^ 

Macphail. 

[To himself.] Oh ! Mother ! 

[He goes out quickly unnoticed by Imogen.] 

Imogen. 

She has turned the corner, Sir Colin. Did you 
see her ? Why, where is he ? 

[Valentine enters. She does not see him.] 

Valentine White. 

Good-by, Imogen. [She turns to him.] 

Imogen. 

Ah ! [Falteringly.] Why will you go away, Val ? 
Valentine White. 

You know my craze. Everything in this country 
is so stuck-up. 

Imogen. 

Mamma's not — stuck-up, as you call it. 

Valentine White. 
Her gowns frighten me. My first recollection of 
anything is Aunt Kitty in a print-skirt at a wash- 
tub. 

Imogen. 
Hush ! don't, Val ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 79 

Valentine White. 
There now ! you're horrified ! 

Imogen. 
One doesn't wish everybody to know. 

Valentine White. 
Then that's being stuck-up, Imogen. 

Imogen. 
Then we differ. 

Valentine White. 
Of course. Everybody does differ from me in 
this stuck-up counti-y. Wish me good-by. 

Imogen. 
[Looking away.\ I presume my brother Brooke 
is stuck-up also ? 

Valentine White. 
Well, he appears to have fallen into the starch af- 
ter that wash of Aunt Kitty's. 

Imogen. 
Indeed. And papa ? 

Valentine White. 
Oh, of course, he's ironed oat by the House of 
Commons. 

Imogen. 
How very rude ! [Laying her hand on his arm.] 
And am I — altered, Val ? 

Valentine White. 
Altered ! The change is heart-breaking ! 



so THE CABINET MINISTER 

Imogen. 
Oh, how cruel ! 

Valentine White. 

Altered ' AVhere are the tiny tea-things with 
which you once played at making tea in your old 
school-room? Where is the hoop you used to trun- 
dle in Portman Square — the skipping-rope Brooke 
and I turned for you till our arms nearly dropped 
from our shoulders ? Where are the marbles I gave 
you — the top I taught you to spin ? I say, where 
are these things and the jolly little girl who de- 
lighted in them ? 

Imogen. 

\_With much dignity ^^ I think you're so violent 
that it isn't safe to speak to you. But I'll ask you 
one question. 

Valentine White. 



Pray do. 



Imogen. 



Where is the good-tempered, curly-headed boy 
for whom I used to make the tea ; the boy who 
taught me, very patiently, how to play the marbles 
and to spin the top ? 

Valentine White. 
You see him. 

Imogen. 

Oh, no. No, Val, no. 

Valentine White. 

Imogen ! You don't mean, at any rate, that I'm 
stuck-up ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 81 

Imogen. 

No, indeed, I think you're shockingly stuck-down. 
\^He turns away, hanging his head. She comes to 
him.] There, now I've made you ashamed of your- 
self. 

Valentine White. 

No, you haven't ! 

Imogen. 

Then I will do so. Eemain here. I will return 
in a moment. Don't stir ! [She 7'uns out.] 

Valentine White. 

Shall I run away ? Ah, if she only knew how ar- 
dently I wish that she had changed still more — how 
I wish that she had grown quite unlovable or I had 
forgotten how to love her ! It's hopeless ; I will 
run away. 

[He opens the door and the Dowager peeps in.] 

Dowager. 
May I come in ? 

Valentine White. 

Eh ? Oh, certainly. 

[The Dowager enters.] 

Dowager. 

[To herself.] What has become of them? [To 
Valentine.] Pardon me, have you seen my niece, 
Imogen ? 

Valentine White. 

She has just left this room. 



82 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Dowager. 
With Sir Colin Macphail? 

Valentine White. 
Ob, no. 

\A cab whistle is heard. Valentine looks out of 
the windoiv.'] 

Dowager. 

[To herself.'] Where is he ? I shan't sleep till I 
know it is settled. 

Valentine White. 
Here's Sir Colin — hailing a cab. 

Dowager. 

Ah ! Something must have happened ! 

[She goes hastily toward the door ; Valentine is 
in her way.] 

Dowager. 
Let me pass, please ! I have a motive ! 

[She goes out as Imogen enters by another door carry- 
ing a large old-fashioned box.] 

Imogen. 
Valentine. 

Valentine White. 
Why, what have you there ? 
Imogen. 

A modern young lady's jewel casket. Open it, 
please. [Kneeling, he opens the box.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 83 

Valentine White. 
[Looking into the hox.'\ Imogen ! The tea-things ! 
I recognize them ! 

Imogen. 
You see, I've never parted with my playthings, 
Val. 

Valentine White. 
[Dragging out a large, faded, once gaudy doll.'] And 
here's Kosa ! I helped to cut out Eosa's mantle. 
Battered old Rosa ! 

Imogen. 
[Taking the doll from him.] Don't ! Old she may 
be, but her sex should protect her from insult. 

Valentine White. 
And here are my marbles ! and the top ! Ah, ah ! 
the skipping-rope ! Imogen — perhaps — I — I've 
done you an injustice. 

Imogen. 
Do you think so ? 

Valentine White. 
I feared fashion had put your bright little nature 
into tight corsets — but — I see — I see 

Imogen. 
[Replacing the toys in the box.] You see, Val. 

Valentine White. 
I see you have some affection for the time when 
you were not Miss Twombley, but only — little 
Jenny. 

Imogen. 
Ah! 



84 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Valentine White. 
Not that these old dumb things prove much. 

Imogen. 
Oh, Val ! 

Valentine White. 

They prove their own existence— not the exist- 
ence of Uttle Jenny. 

Imogen. 

[Crying.'] How unjust you are ! 

Valentine White. 

Perhaps. But your words and actions are so un- 
Hke. 

Imogen. 

[ Wiping her eyes upon the dolVs frock.] No, no. 
Valentine White. 

I fancy we are children again when I hear you ; 
but when I see your prim figure and stately walk I 
miss the little girl whose hair never submitted to a 
ribbon or a hairpin 

Imogen. 
Oh! 

[Impulsively she lets down her hair and disorders 
it wildly.] 

Valentine White. 

[Not observing her.] I miss the little Jenny with 
a tumbled frock [She quickly disarranges her how 
and sash.], the thoughtless romp who was generally 
minus one shoe ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 85 

Imogen. 

[Fiercely J\ Valentine ! 

\She takes off a shoe and flings it away.] 

Valentine White. 
Jenny ! 

Imogen. 

Now ! play ! play marbles ! 

Valentine White. 
What ! 

Imogen. 
Play marbles ! 

[They go down upon their knees , she deliberately 
arranges the marbles for the game, he staring 
at her blankly.] 

Imogen. 
My mark — play. 

Valentine White. 

I beg yoar pardon, Jenny — I've been all wrong. 

Imogen. 

You have indeed, Val. Play. [He plays seri- 
ously.] Not within a mile of it. 

Valentine White. 

My eye is quite out. 

Imogen. 
My turn. 

Valentine White. 

By Jupiter, you're still a crack at it ! 



S6 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Imogen. 

Am I ? Then which of us has changed — you or 
I ? [She lays her hand on hisJ] Val, don't go away 
and live in a rock. 

Valentine White. 

What am I to do ? I'm poor, Jenny, and I sup- 
pose I'm crazy. 

Imogen. 

Any sort of horrid life would suit you, wouldn't 
it? 

Valentine White. 

I suppose it would. 

Imogen. 

Then ask Lord Drumdurris to make you a bailiff 
or a head gamekeeper at Drumdurris. 

Valentine White. 

Not rough enough. 

Imogen. 

Why, you could get dreadfully dirty and wet 
through there every day. 

Valentine White. 
That's true. 

Imogen. 

And, Val, we're all going up to Drumdurris next 
month. 

Valentine White. 
Are you? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 87 

Imogen. 

Yes, and if you like, I— I'll bring the marbles. 

[Brooke enters.^ 

Brooke Twombley. 
Imogen ! OIi, I say ! what ? 

Valentine White. 
Do you ever play marbles now, Brooke ? 

[Drumdurris en ters. ] 

Brooke Twombley. 
Marbles, no ! Billiards. 

[Valentine collects the marbles, and puts them 
into the box.] 

Imogen. 

[To Drumdurris.] Keith ! Oh, Keith, do me a 
favor ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Certainly. 

Imogen. 
Offer ray poor cousin, Mr. White, some post in or 
about Drumdurris Castle. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
What kind of post ? 

Imogen. 
Some wretched, inferior position in which he 
needn't be very polite. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
What will he say if I propose such a thing ? 



88 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Imogen. 
He'll be extremely rude, I think. But, oh, I 
shall be so grateful, Keith. 

[Lady Twombley enters.'] 
Lady Twombley. 
Imogen ! Child, what has happened to your 
head? 

Imogen. 
I — I've been playing marbles, mamma. 

Lady Twombley. 
Not on your head ? 

Imogen. 
No, mamma, upon the floor. 

Lady Twombley. 
With Sir Colin ? 

Imogen. 
Certainly not, mamma ; I don't know Sir Colin 
nearly well enough to sit with him upon the floor. 
[^Putting up her hair.'] 

Lady Twombley. 
Darling, has Sir Colin made any remark of an in- 
teresting nature ? 

Imogen. 
No — he stammered a little, and, while my back 
was turned, he ran away after his mammy. 

Lady Twombley. 
[To herself.'] I knew it ! Why didn't we lock him 
in till he had provided for my poor child's future ? 
[PitOBYN enters.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 89 

Pkobyn. 
Mrs. Gaylustre is here, my lady. 

Imogen. 
Oh, that person ! 

[Imogen snatches up the box of playthings and hurries 
out. Mes. Gaylustre enters. Probyn retires,'] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[To everybody.'] How d'ye do? How dye do? 
Lord Drumdurris, charmed to see you. How are 
you, Brooke? 

Brooke Twombley. 

\To himself.] Brooke ! Impudence ! 
Mrs. Gaylustre. 

You look bilious, Kate. 

[She kisses Lady Twombley, who sinks onto the 
settee.] 

Brooke Twombley. 

[To Drumdurris.] It's too bad of the Mater ! 
Fancy a fellow making a chum of his tailor — what ? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Mr. White, may I speak to you ? 

[Brooke, Drumdurris, ancZ Valentine ^o out.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
[Examining the flute.] Pa has been tootling 
again, Kate — we must buy him a drum. 

Lady Twombley. 
Ah— h— h— h ! 



90 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Hullo ! What's the matter ? 

Lady Twombley. 
As if you didn't know ! Oh, those awful bits of 
paper ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Still worrying about those little bills of yours 
which my brother Joseph holds, eh ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Those bills ! Why doesn't the ink fade that's on 
them, or the house burn that holds 'em ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Impossible. Joseph and I have been taught to 
believe that there is a special Providence watching 
over all Bills of Exchange. Come, don't fume — Bill 
Number One doesn't fall due till next month. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, Gaylustre, I shan't be able to meet it. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Shan't you ? Well, I dare say Jo and I will renew 
— if you make much of us and pet us. Meanwhile, 
don't think of the bills. 

Lady Twombley. 
Think of 'em ! I eat them — thej^'re on every 
menu ; I drink them — they label the champagne. 
My pillows are stuffed with them, for I hear their 
rustle when I turn my restless head. Small as those 
strips of blue are, the\' paper every wall of my 
home ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 91 

Mrs. Gaylustee. 
I should drive out, then, as much as possible. 

Lady Twombley. 
When I do the sky is blue ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[Carelessly taking up a newspaper. '\ At what time 
do we leave here ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Sir Julian and I start at twelve. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
See that I'm not squeezed up in the carriage. I 
don't play at sardines in this gown. 

Lady Twojubley. 
Oh! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Talking of sardines, I shall lunch here to-day, en 
famille. 

Lady Twombley. 
Gaylustre ! you fiend ! I — I can't stand it. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Don't quite see how you're going to get out of it. 

L.ADY TwOaiBLEY. 

It's true I owe that brother of yours thousands. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Well, we have kept your establishment going for 
some time. 



92 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
But I don't owe you as much as a linen button ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Jo and I are one. 

Lady Twombley. 
No ! I'll never believe that a man — even a 
money-lender — would dance a set of devilish quad- 
rilles on a lady when she's down, as you're doing. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Ha, ha ! 

Lady Twombley. 
I saw your brother on that one fatal night. Com- 
mon person that he is, he must have a heart under 
his vulgar waistcoat. 

Mrs'. Gaylustre. 
Be careful ! Don't insult my Jo ! 

Lady Twombley. 
I compliment him ! I will appeal to him to pro- 
tect me from your claws, Gaylustre ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Oh, you will, will you? 

Lady Twombley. 
I will. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Very well then— do it ! Kate Twombley, go to 
that door and call my brother Jo ! 

Lady Twombley. 
What ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 93 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Do it ! 

Lady Twombley. 
What — do you — mean ? 

JVIes. Gaylustre. 
Open that door and call Jo ! 

Lady Twombley. 

No, no ! [She opens the door and looks out.^ 
You are only frightening me ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Call— Mr. Lebanon ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Mr. Lebanon ! 

IMr Joseph Lebanon. 

[^Outside.'] Heah ! 

[Lady Twombley utters a cry of horror as Mr. Joseph 
Lebanon enters — a smartly dressed, fat, unctuous, 
middle-aged person, of a most proiounced com- 
mon Semitic type, with a bland manner and a con- 
tented smile.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Lady Twombley, delighted to find myself in your 
elegant 'ouse. Most reclierche. 

Lady Two^ibley. 
How do you come here? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Fan brouo-ht me. 



94 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 

How dare she ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

'Ow dare she ? H'm ! Fan, I 'ope and trust not 
a coolness between you and Lady T. 

[Lady Twombley sinks into a chair.'] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
She was dying to see you — there's no pleasing 
her. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Dyin' to see me ! Flattered — flattered. 

[He sits in close proximity to Lady Twombley. ] 

Mr Joseph Lebanon, 
Deah Lady T., you and I and nobody by, eh ? 
Excuse my humor. 'Ow can I 'ave the honor of 
servin' you ? Don't 'esitate. Lady T., don't 'esitate. 

Lady Twombley. 
I only wanted— to beg you — to rid me of that 
viper. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
That's going a little too far ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
There is a coolness — a triflin', temporary cool- 
ness. Fan, be reasonable — Lady T., be forgivin'. 
Kiss and be friends. 

Lady Twombley. 
I know that you've got me — what's the expres- 
sion ? — on some thin o- or another. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 95 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
I 'ope *' toast " is not the word you requiali, Lady 
Twombley? 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, yes, on toast. 

Mk. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh, Lady T. ! Lady T. ! 

Lady Twombley. 
I know that if I can't meet those awful bills you 
can drag my name into the papers, and set all Lon- 
don grinning for a month. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh ! Oh, Fan, is that my way of doin' business ? 

Lady Twombley. 
If you're a nice, honest man — as you look — you'll 
take her away, and never, either of you, show your 
ugi — show your faces here again. 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
Ah, Lady T., now we come to the aim and object 
of the mornin' call which I have the 'appiness of 
making on you. Fan, you haven't explained to Lady 
T. You really must cut in. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
I shan't. Explain yourself. 

[Lebanon rises, replacing his chair.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
My dear Lady T., the long and the short of it is, 
that Fan and I have considerable social ambition. 



96 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
You too ! Not you ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
And why not? Fanny, cut in ! 

Mrs. Gaylustrk 
Go on, Jo dear. 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
Lady Twombley, it has been the desiah of Fan 
and self, ever since that period of our lives which I 
may describe as our checkered child'ood, to reach 
the top of the social tree. 

Lady Twombley. 
Hah! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Lady Twombley, you'll pardon my remarking that 
you are a little trying. I say, Fan and I desiah to 
reach the top of the social tree, where the cocoanuts 
are. Excuse my humor. Fan's had a whirl or two 
in the circles of fashion. 

Lady Twombley. 
She ! A hanger-on to the skirts of Society ! 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
And very good skirts too when she makes 'em. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Jo, drop that. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Excuse my humor, Fan. As for me, from those 
early boy'ood's days when I made temporary ad- 



TEE CABINET MINISTER 97 

vances of lia'peDce to my sister Fanny, promptly and 
without inquiry, I have devoted myself to finance. 

Lady Twombley. 
Finance ! 

Mk. Joseph Lebanon. 

But now, Lady T. — to use a poetic figure — I am 
prepared to cut an eight on the frozen lake of 
gentility. 

L.\DY TwoaiBLEY. 

Man ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

I ignore the innuendo. Lady Twombley, I am 
aware that for a successful entree into Society I 
requiah a — ah — a substantial guarantee. I 'ave, 
therefore, the honor and the 'appiness to put myself 
under your sheltering and I 'ope sympathetic wing. 

Lady Twoivibley. 

You — you will drive me mad ! You won't dare to 
call here, to contaminate my bell-handle, to send up 
your hideous name ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh, Fan, I really can't ! This is descendin' to a 
mere wrangle. Pray cut in. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
No, Lady Twombley, as the season is drawing to 
a close, Joseph certainly does not intend to attach 
himself to your London establishment. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Not for Joseph — excuse my humor. 



98 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
But lie and I do mean to take our flight from 
town with the rest of the swallows. [^Pointing to a 
paragraph in the journal she still carries.] Look here, 
we saw this paragraph in the paper yesterday. 
Read it. 

[Lady Twombley knocks the paper to the ground.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Lisolent ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Jo, pet — read it. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Fanny, this is really most trying. [Picking up the 
paper and reading.] " There are already signs of an 
exodus from town. Among the first of the nota- 
bilities to turn their faces northward are Sir 
Julian and Lady Twombley, who will spend the 
autumn at Drumdurris Castle as the guests of 
their nephew, Lord Drumdurris. " 

Lady Twombley. 
What is this to you ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
What's that to us ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Fan, what's that to us ! Lady Twombley, we en- 
tertain a not unreasonable desiah to spend our au- 
tumn at Drumdurris Castle. 

Lady Twombley. 
In the kitchen ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 99 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Ob, Fan, I really can't ! You must cut in again. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

As the guests of Lord Drumdurris. 

Lady Twombley. 
Never ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Bill Number One falls due next month when you 
are at Drumdurris Castle ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

No, no ! Fan, do not mix up business with friend- 
ship. You know my rule. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Get us to Drumdurris and we renew ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh, Fanny, how plainly you put it ! Don't ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Never ! 

[Mr. Melton enters.'] 

Mr. Melton. 
The carriages are here, Lady Twombley. 

Lady Twombley. 
I — I'll come. 

[Drumdurris enters talking to Valentine. Imogen, 
Lady Euphemia, and 'Buooke follow ; then Egidia 
and Angele 2vith the iiifant.] 



100 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mk. Joseph Lebanon. 
[jTo Lady Twombley.] Introduce me ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Never ! 

Miis. Gaylustee. 

[To Lady Twombley. J Introduce Lim ! 

Lady Twombley. 
I will not ! 

Mk. Joseph Lebanon. 

Lady Twombley ! 

[^He produces his pocketbook, opens it, and gives 
her a glimpse of the Bills. ] 

Lady Twombley. 

The Bills ! Oh ! 

IShe makes a futile snatch at the pocketbook.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Lady Twombley, introduce me ! 

[Sir Julian enters, intent wpon his speech, the MS. of 
which he carTies in his hand. ] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

[To himself] " I can conceive no position more 

agreeable to a Minister of the Crown " [Seeing 

Lebanon.] Eh ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[Whispering to Lady Twombley.] Now ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 101 

Lady Twombley. 

Julian, Lord Drumd arris, Brooke, let me iniro- 
duce to you — Mr. Lebanon. 

Mrs. Gayltjstre. 

[Triumphantly to herself.'] Ah ! 

Mr. Joseph Leb.\non. 

[Triumphantly to himself.] Ah ! 

[Lebanon grasps Sir Julian's hand warmly.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

De-lighted to find myself in your elegant 'ouse. 
Most recherche. 

[He shakes hands ivith all the others. Mrs. Gay- 
lustre runs to Sir Julian and taking a flower 
from her dress fastens it in his coat.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[To those up stage, as he shakes hands.] You all 
know my sister Fan. Elegant 'ouse this. Most re- 
cherche. 

Dowager. 

[Outside.] Katherine ! 

[The Dowager e^iters with her arm through Macphail's, 
Lady Magfh ail following.] 

Dowager. 

I've found the truant. He had a motive. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[Quietly to Mrs. Gaylustre.] Who's the Judy ? 



102 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mrs. Gaylustke. 

\_To Lebanon.] Old Lady Drum. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

All ! [TaiviliKj to the Dowager ayid seizing her 
hand.'] De-ligiited ! 'O^^e to Lave the pleashah of 
meetin' you up North. 

Dowager. 
Katherine ! 

[There is a general expression of astonishment, 
and Lady Twombley sinks upon the settee.] 



end of the second act. 



THE THIRD ACT. 

Disaster. 

The scene is the inner hall at Drumdurris Castle, 
Perthshire, leading on one side to the outer hall, 
and on the other to the picture gallery. It is 
solidly and comfortably furnished, and afire is 
burning in the grate of the large oaken fireplace. 
It is an afternoon in August. 

Imogen is sitting at the table reading over a letter she 
has ivritten. 

Imogen. 

"Dear Mr. White." I shall Dever call him Valen- 
tine again, except in my thoughts. [Reading.'] 
" Dear Mr. Wliite, I am" sorry to hear that you are 
discontented with your recent appointment to the 
Deputy - Assistant -Head - Gamekeepership on the 
Drumdurris estate, and that you consider it a sine- 
cure fit only for a debilitated peer." Now for it. 
[Besuming.] " Permit me to take this opportunit}' of 
informing you that I have at length consented to an 
engagement between myself and Sir Colin Macphail 
of Ballocheevin." Oh, how awful it looks in ink ! 
[Resuming.] "As it is becoming that I should sup- 
port such a position with dignity I would prefer 
not encountering your dislike to ' stuck-up people ' 
by ever seeing you again. Oh, Val ! I therefore 



lO-i THE CABINET MINISTER 

suggest that you obtain a nastier appointment 
than that of Deputy-Assistant-Head-Gamekeeper at 
Drumdurris without delay." That will do — beauti- 
fully. \In tears.'] Oh, Val, why have you never 
spoken? I know you are poor, but I would have 
gone away with you and lived cheerfully and eco- 
nomically in that rock if you had but asked me. 
Why, why have you never asked me ? 

\She aits on a footstool looking into the fire. Brooke 
in shooting costume strolls in with Lady Eu- 
PHEMiA. They do not see Imogen.] 

Brooke Twoiibley. 
[^Goolly.'] Well, then, Effie, I suppose I may re- 
gard our engagement as a fixture — what ? I needn't 
say you'll find me an excellent husband. 

Lady Euphemia Vibaet. 
Thanks, awfully. But perhnps you had better 
mention the subject to me again at some other 
time. 

Brooke Twombley. 

Well, I shall be rather busy for the next week or 
two. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Oh, quite as you j)lease. [Giving him her hand.'] 
But you are really too impetuous. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Not at all. [About to kiss her.] You'll permit me, 
naturally ? 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
[Languidly turning her cheek toward him.] Of 



THE CABINET MINISTER 105 

course. Be careful of my hair, it will not be 
dressed again before lunch. 

[//e kisses her cheek cautiously, Imogen rises 
without seeing them.] 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
[To Brooke.] Somebody. 

[They stroll away in opposite directions.] 

Imogen. 
After all, as he has never been a lover, why 
shouldn't I see him and mention my engagement in 
a calm, cool, ladylike way? [Tearing up the letter 
passionately.] I must see him once more — in a 
calm, cool, ladylike way. I'll write just a line ask- 
ing him to come to me this morning. 

[As she sits to write Lady EupHEmA and Brooke 
stroll in again and meet each other.] 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
[To Brooke.] Good-morning. 

Brooke Twombley. 
[To Lady Euphemia.] Good-morning. 

L.\DY Euphemia Vibart. 
Why, it's Imogen ! Oh, let me congratulate you. 
[Kissing her.] The news is too delightful. 

Imogen. 
Thank you. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Accept my congratulations also. Sj)lendid fellow, 
Macphail ; not one of those men who talk the toj) of 
your head off. 



106 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Imogen. 
[Writing.'] No, not quite. Brooke, dear, will 
you give Mr. White a little note from me ? 

Brooke Twombley. 

Certainly. By the bye, while I think of it, you'll 
be glad to hear that Effie has honored me by con- 
senting to — er — marry me — what ! 

Imogen. 
Effie! 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
How your mind does run on that subject, Brooke ! 

Imogen. 

[Throwing her arms round L.ady Euphemia's neck.] 
What happy people, both of you ! 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
My hair ! 

Imogen. 

[Kissing Brooke.] A thousand congratulations, 
my dear, clever, old brother ! 

Lady Euphemia Yibart. 
The bother with mamma will be too wearying. 

Imogen. 
Why a bother ? 

Brooke Twombley. 

About my pecuniary position, don't you know. 
You'll hardly credit it, but I haven't the least idea 
what pa intends to do for me. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 107 

Imogen. 

But it doesn't matter about that, so that you are 
deeply attached to each other. 

Lady EuPHEmA Vibart. 
Oh, Imogen, that's too ridiculous ! 

Brooke Twombley. 
Quite absurd — what ! 

Imogen. 
Besides, if you want money you can work. 

Brooke Twombley. 
Oh, it's no good everybody working. It's this 
stupid all-round desire to work that throws so many 
men out of employment. I'll look for Valentine. 
[Imogen gives him her note.] He's sure to be about. 
We're going to shoot over Claigrossie Moor this 
morning. [He goes out.] 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
So you've made up your mind at last? 

Imogen. 
No ; other people have made it up for me. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
Mamma ? 

Imogen. 
Yes, Aunt Dora is the principal person who has 
rendered my life a burden to me. 

Lady Euphemia Vibaet. 
Oh, Imogen ! 



108 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Imogen. 

It's true. Every hour of the livelong day Aunt 
Dora has goaded me on to this desirable, detesta- 
ble match ; even at night she has stalked into my 
room with a lighted candle, startling me out of my 
beauty sleep, to tell me she will never rest till I am 
Lady Macphail. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Imogen, it's too kind of mamma to take this inter- 
est in you. 

Imogen. 

Interest ! It's torture. And at last she threat- 
ened that if I married anybody else she would ex- 
pire in great pain and appear to me constantly, a 
ghost, in her night-gown. Well, you've seen Aunt 
Dora in her night-gown — you can guess my feelings. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

And that decided you. 

Imogen. 

I went to mamma and asked her advice. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
I guess what that was. 

Imogen. 
Mamma's expression w^as that she'd give the heels 
off her best shoes to see me provided for. And so, 
late last night, while my maid Phipps was washing 
my head, I gasped out a soapy sort of yes. 

\_The Dowager enters.^ 



THE CABINET MINISTER 109 

Dowager. 

Where is Imogen ? 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Here, mamma. 

Dowager. 

[Embracing Imogen.] My favorite niece ! I have 
just learned your decision over the breakfast-table. 
I was eatiug cold grouse at the moment ; I thought 
I should have choked. 

Imogen. 
I hope you are satisfied, aunt. 
Dowager. 

Thoroughly. I feel now that I shall die, a great 
many years hence, a contented w^oman. Effie. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

Yes, mamma? 

Dowager. 

Don't think you're neglected, child. I cannot 
provide for everybodj^ at once. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

No, mamma. 

Dowager. 
But having completely settled Imogen, I shall 
commence the adjustment of your future after lunch. 

[Lady ]VL\cphail enters.] 

. Lady Macphail. 
Ah! 



110 THE CABINET MINISTER 

DOWAGEE. 

Dear Lady Macphail ! What glorious news ! 

Lady Macphail. 

[Rapturously, ivith her hand upraised.^ Now let 
the worn banner of the Macphail be run up on the 
crumbling tower of Castle Ballocheevin ! 

Dowager. 
Certainly — by all means. 

Lady Macphail. 

Now let the roar of the pipes startle the eaglets on 
the summit of black Ben-Much ty ! 

Dowager. 

I hope such arrangements will be made. 

Lady Macphail. 

Let the shriek of the wild birds resound on the 
shores of Loch-na-Doich ! 

Dowager. 

[Bringing Imogen /onmrd] But you haven't seen 
Imogen yet. 

Lady Macphail. 

[Embracing her.'] Child! Ah, when Colin learns 
your answer to his suit you shall listen to such words 
as none but a Macphail can utter to his betrothed. 

Dowager. 
Doesn't he know ? 



THE CABINET 3IIWISTEB 111 

Lady Macphail. 

Not yet. He went out early to watcli the sun 
gild the gray peak of Ben-Auchter. 

[Lady Twombley enters, looking very troubled.] 

Imogen. 

Mamma. [Lady Macphail, the Dowager, and Lady 
EupHEMiA talk; together.] Mamma, everybody has 
congratulated me. Have you nothing to say ? 

[Lady Twombley places her hand fondly on Imo- 
gen's head.] 

Lady Twombley. 

[In a sepulchral voice.] Did Phipps dry your 
head thoroughly last night ? 

Imogen. 
Yes, mamma. 

Lady Twombley. 

Then all's well, I suppose. 

[Sir JvLiA^'sflute is heard.] 

Lady Twombley. 

[To herself.] The first Bill- the first Bill due 
next week. 

[She sits staring at the fire as Sir Julian enters, play- 
ing the flute.] 

Imogen. 
Papa. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Imogen, my dear, amidst severe official worries 



112 THE CABINET MINISTER 

I must not omit to join in tlie general paean o! re- 
joicing. 

Imogen. 
Thank you, papa. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Sir Colin may lack that inexhaustible flow of 
anecdote with which I have often been credited. 

Imogen. 
He may, papa. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
But I confess I respect a man who will sit for 
hours without saying anything. I wish there were 
more like him in the House. 

Dowager. 
Julian, let the newspapers have the details of 
Imogen's engagement without delay. 

Imogen. 
Oh, no, aunt ! Not yet. 

Dowager. 
Imogen, if I may use such an expression — fall-lall ! 
Suffice it, I have a motive. 

Imogen. 
But why the papers ? 

Dowager. 
It is our duty to our friends. Do you think if 
anything serious happened to me, my friends 
wouldn't like to hear of it without delay ? Julian ! 
[Sir Julian lorites.'] Besides, it will be current talk 
at the dance to-morrow ni^fht. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 113 

Lady Macphail. 

The dance ! Aye ! To-morrow night they shall 
see a Macphail lead the Strathspey with the girl who 
is to be his bride ! 

Imogen. 

No, indeed they won't ! 

Lady Macphail. 
What! 

Imogen. 

I can't make myself so supremely ridiculous. 

Lady Macphail. 
Ridiculous ! 

L.iDY EUPHEMIA ViBART. 

Oh, Imogen ! 

DOWAGEE. 

Imogen ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Imogen ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
My dear ! 

[Lady Macphail closes he?' eyes. Sir Julian 
and the Dowager take her hands.] 

Sir Julian Twombley and Dowager. 
My dear Lady Macphail ! 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
Here is Sir Colin ! 

- Dowager and Sir Julian Twombley. 
Ah! 



114 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Macphail. 
My boy ! 

Lady Euphemia Vibaet, 

Why, he is with Mrs. Gaylustre ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

That woman ! 

Dowager. 
That woman ! 

Lady Twombley. 
That woman ! 

Imogen. 
That woman ! 

[Macphail enters with Mrs. Gaylustre, he in Highland 
dress, she wearing a showy costume of tweed tartan 
with a Scotch boniiet.] 

Lady Macphail. 
[Taking his arm, c] Colin, lad ! 

Macphail. 
Eh, mother? 

Mrs. Gaylustrk 
Dear Sir Colin gave me his arm to the top of Beu- 
Auchter. 

Dowager and Lady Macphail. 

To the top of Ben-Auchter ! 

Macphail 

[With an anxious glance at Mrs. Gaylustre.] Just 
to see the sun rise. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 115 

Dowager. 
[Quietly to Sir Julian.] Julian, that's scandalous ! 
Lady Macphail. 

I thought you always witnessed the sun rise alone, 
Colin. 

Macphail. 
As a rule, mother. 

Dowager. 
[To her self. 1 That woman has a motive. 
Lady Macphail. 

[Pointing to Imogen.] My son, look — here is Imo- 
gen. 

Macphail. 

[To Imogen.] Good-morning. 

Lady Macphail. 

Colin, lad, don't you guess ? 

Macphail. 
No, mother. 

Lady Macphail. 

[Rapturously. 1 Now let the worn banner of the 
Macphail be run up on the crumbling tower of Castle 
Ballocheevin ! 

Macphail. 

[Vacantly.'] For what reason, mother? 

Lady Macphail. 
Now let the shriek of the wild birds sound on the 
shores of Loch-na-Doich ! 



116 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Macphail. 
Why? 

Lady Macphail. 

[Embracing Macphail.] Imogen is to be j^oui 
bride. 

Macphail. 
[Blankly.] Oh ! 

[Sir Julian, the Dowager, and L.\dy Euphemia 
congratulate him.'] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Most gratified ! 

Dowager. 

I have a mother's yearnings toward you. 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 

We are too rejoiced ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[To herself.'] They've hooked him ! 

Lady Macphail. 
[Bringing Macphail down.] Husli ! Speak to her, 
Colin, lad. Let her hear how a Macphail greets the 
woman of his choice. 

[Lady Macphail joins Sir Julian, the Dowager, 
and Lady Euphemia, while they all watch Mac- 
phail as he approaches Imogen.] 

Lady Macphail. 
Listen ! 

Macphail. 
[To Imogen.] Er — I'm very much obliged to ye. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 117 

Lady Macphail. 
Bravely spoken ! 

Dowager. 
A grand nature ! 

Imogen. 
Thank you, Sir Colin. [She joins the others.] 

Mes. Gaylustre. 

[To Macphail, seizing his hand.] May your life be 
very, very blissful! 

Macphail. 

[Uneasily, withdrawing his hand.] Mother's look- 
ing. [He joins the rest.] 
Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[To herself.] They've hooked my Scotch salmon ; 
but they haven't landed him yet ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
[Intercepting L-ady Twombley as she advances 
toivard the group.] Kate ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Keptile ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

I'm not at all satisfied with the way things are 
going on here. 

Lady Twombley. 
Aren't you ? I think things are beautifully smooth. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
I'm pretty comfortable at Drumdurris myself, 
thank you ; but I'm getting extremely anxious about 
Joseph. 



118 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
So am I. 

Mrs. Gaylustke. 

I'm afraid Joseph isn't erijo3dng- bis little holiday 
at all. Did you observe him ac dinner last night ? 

Lady Twombley. 

Who could help it ? The man eats enough for 
six. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

He's obliged to, his holiday being so brief. But 
these fine folks treat him as contemptuously as if he 
were a snail in a cabbage. 

Lady Twombley. 
Then why does he talk with the leg of a grouse 
sticking out of the side of his mouth ? Why does 
he drink people's health across the table and call 
the men-servants " old chaps ? " 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Dear Jo ! There's nothing classy about him. 

[Drumdurris, in shootmg dress, enters, carrying a 
light wooden box.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Wliy does he swallow his knife and build pyra- 
mids with his bread ; and tell long stories with no 
meaning at all or else with two ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Well, you must take Jo as Heaven made him. 
So you'd better make things smooth for him with 
Lord Drumdurris. If not 



THE CABINET MINISTER 119 

Lady Twombley. 
If not ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
If not, Jo might, after all, decline to renew. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

And then there would be the devil to pay, 
wouldn't there ? 

Lady Twombley. 

As far as I can see there are two devils to pay 
already. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Ha, ha ! Here's Drumdurris. Kemember. 

[After talking to the others, Drumdurris ap- 
proaches Lady Two:mbley, howing stiffly to 
Mrs. Gaylustre, who shakes her fist behind Ins 
back. Lady Twombley gives a small nervous 
shriek^ 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Aunt? 

Lady Twombley. 
[With her hand to her hearty Spasms. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[Smiling sweetly at Drumdurris.] Delightful 
morning. 

[She takes up a neivspnper. Sir Julian and Lady 
EuPHEMiA stroll out.^ 



120 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 

[To Deuridurris.] Keith, dear, I want to say a 
word to you about — dear Mr. Lebanon. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Ah ! Aunt ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Have patience, Keith ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Patience ! 

Lady Twombley. 

When I begged you to entertain him at Drum- 
durris I didn't deceive you. I distinctly told you 
he was one of nature's noblemen. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
I would do much to please you, Aunt Kate, but 
this individual and his sister 

Lady Twombley. 
You must follow the democratic tendencies of the 
age, Keith. The peer must go hand in hand with 
the pig. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Yes, but let it be the companionable, clubable 
pig. Oh, I have just left him at the breakfast-table. 

Lady Twombley. 
Is he making a tolerable breakfast this morning ? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
He seems to be making every breakfast in Great 
Britain. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 121 

Lady Twombley. 
I see him at it. 

Eael of Drumdurris. 

He consumes enough coffee to put a fire out. 

L.\DY Twombley. 

Yes ; and he swoops down on a cold bird Hke a 
vulture. 

Earl of Druimdurris. 

It's hideous to see him hurl himself at an ome- 
lette. 

Lady Twombley. 

I know ; and with eggs he's a conjurer. What's 
he engaged on now ? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
When I left him he was an unrecognizable mass 
of marmalade. He must go ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Don't disregard the sacred laws of hospitality ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
I must. At another time I might endure him, 
but now when I am utterly crushed by my own 
agonizing trouble Hark ! 

Lady Twombley. 
What's the matter ? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
My son. 

[Angele appears with the i97fa)it.] 



122 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Angele. 
[Mysteriously.] Is it alright, milord ? 

Eael of Drumdtjkris. 
Hush ! [To Lady Twombley.] Is Egidia there ? 

[Sir Julian and Lady Euphemia re-enter.] 

Lady Twombley. 
No. 

[Lady Twombley joins Sir Julian and Lady 
Euphemia.] 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

[To Angele.] All right. [Fondly, to the infant.] 
My soldier boy ! [Angele advances to Drumdurris, c. 
He produces a small toy gun and a little drum from a 
box he carries and hands them to Angele.] Don't let 
Lady Drumdurris discover these. 

Angele. 
No. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

Above all, let the drum be muffled. 

Angele. 
Yees, milord. 

[Egidia enters.] 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

I expect some small caDiiou by the evening post. 
Go. 

[Egidia comes between Angele and Drumdurris, 
the Dowager folloiving.] 





THE CABINET MINISTER 






Earl 


OF Drumdueeis. 


Ah 


1 




Angele. 


Ob, 


milady 




Egidia. 


I am right, 


then. 





123 



\_She takes the toys from Angele and points to 
the dwr. Angele withdraws with the infant.^ 

Dowager. 
Keith — Egidia ! Don't disagree here ! 

Egidia. 

[To Drumdueeis.] I was loath to credit you with 
such treachery. 

Dowagee. 

Name some convenient hour to disagree this 
afternoon I will willingly be present. 

Egidia. 

I have long suspected this conspiracy to antici- 
pate my son's mature judgment. Keith, there is a 
gulf between us which can never be bridged over. 

[Egidia joins the other s.\ 

Eael of Drumdurris. 
Mother, my life is wasted. 

[Valentine, roughly dressed in cords and gaiters^ 
enters, followed by Brooke.] 

Valentine White. 
Are you ready, Lord Drumdurris ? 



124 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

We are waiting, I presume, for Mr Lebanon. 

Brooke Twombley. 

I'll go and stir bim up. Ugb ! Wbat ! 

[Brooke goes out.^ 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

You'll not join us. Sir J. ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I daren't. Melton has arrived from town with a 
mass of papers for my signature. [Quietly to Drum- 
durris.] The Rajputana Canal Question is wearing 
me out. 

Valentine White. 

[Whispering to Imogen] I have j'our note. I'll 
return in a few minutes. 

Mr Joseph Lebanon. 
[Outside.'] Shootin', my dear sir ! When I was in 
the South 'Ampstead Artillery I could have shown 
you what shootin' was. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
There's Jo. [She goes out to meet Lebanon.] 

All. 
[With various expressions of disgust.] Ugh ! that 
man ! 

[All break up into groups, as Lebanon, looking very 
ridiculous in Highland costume, enters^ folloioed 
by Brooke.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 125 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[Slapping Macphail on the back.] Mac, dear old 
bo}', 'aven't seen you this morning. 

[Macphail turns away distrust fully.'] 

Mb. Joseph Lebanon. 
Lady Mac, I 'ear delightful whispers. 

Lady Macphail. 
Sir? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

An approachin' 'appy event. We're like the 
doves — we're pairiu' off, hey ; we're pairin' off? 
[Lady Macphail stares at him He wipes his forehead 
anxiously.] It's a little difficult to keep uj) a long 
conversation with 'em. They're not what I should 
term Battlers. [Eying Egidia.] The fair 'ostess. 
Ahem ! We missed you at the breakfast- table. Lady 
Drum. Can't congratulate you on your peck — ex- 
cuse my humor. 

[Egidia stares at him and joins Lady Macphail.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
[To himself] They're a chatty lot ; I must say 
they're a chatty lot. I wish Fanny would stick by me 
and cut in occasionally. There's Lady T. She can't 
ride the 'igh 'orse, at any rate. Lady T. 

Lady Twombley. 
Mr. Lebanon ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
You didn't honor me with my game of crib last 
ni^ht. 



126 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
I — I had a headache. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Never 'ad a 'eadache in m}^ Hfe— don't know 'ow 
it's spelt. 

Lady Twombley. 

It's spelt with an H. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[7b Lady Euphemia, offering her flowers from his 
coat.] Lady Effie, my floral offering. 

Xady Euphemia catches up her skir'ts and sweeps 
past him] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[To himself.] Chatty, hey ? Chatty ? [He comes 
face to face with the Dowager, who glares at him.] 
Hah ! Hem ! [Offering her the flowers.] I— ah — had 
these picked for you, by Jove, I did. A present 
from Joseph. 

Dowager. 
What, sir? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[Replacing the flowers in his coat.] Excuse my hu- 
mor. [Wiping his brow again.] Chatty! I do wish 
Fan would cut in and help me. [Slaps Sir Julian 
on the shoulder.] Twombley, old fellow. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Sir? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Not comin' out with us to-day, hey ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 127 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
No. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Gettin' past it, I suppose ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I am kept indoors by pressure of work, Mr. 
Lebanon. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh, of course, the Eajputana Canal Question, hey? 
I'm a big shareholder in the Raj pu tana Railway, yer 
know. I say, tell me 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I cannot discuss official matters with you. 

[Sir Julian turns from him.'] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
[To himnelf as he sits doivn.] Chatty ! Chatty ! 
I know what this'll end in — It'll end in my standin' 
on my dignity. Where's Fanny? [Addressing the 
others.] Talking about shoo tin', I'll tell you an 
amusin' little story. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
[To Lady Twombley and others sotto voce.] No, no ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
It's all about myself. 

Brooke Twombley. 
[W7iisperi7ig to the others.] Good-by. We're off. 
[TJiei^e is a general movement, the ladies and Sir 
Julian saying good-by to the shooters, unnoticed 
by Lebanon, who has his back to them.] 



128 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

I was spendin' a day or two down in Essex with 
my old friend, Captain Bolter, South 'Ampstead 
Artillery. Dear old Tom — great favorite with the 
gals. Excuse my humor. 

Lady Twombley, Imogen, Lady Euphemia Vibart, 

Sir Julian Twombley, Lady Macphail, 

and Dowager. 

[Quietly to the shooters.] Good-by. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

It was wild-fowl Tom and I were after. We were 
lyin' in a ditch waitin' for the ducks to drift in with 
the tide. [As Lebanon continues his story all the 
others gradually and quietly disperse.'] I counted fifty- 
seven birds through my glass. So said I to Tom, 
" Tom, I'm in dooced good form, my boy." "Devil 
you are ! " said Tom. "And I lay you a pony to a 
penny that fifteen of those birds fall to my gun." 
" Done ! " said Tom. [He is now alone in the room.] 
Well, to make a short story a long one — excuse my 
humor — Tom sneezed. Up I got. So did the 
ducks. And then what the dooce d'ye think 

'appened ? I say, what the dooce d ye think 

[Discovering that he is alone.] Well, I'm Chatty, 

ain't they ? Chatty ! 

[Mrs. Gaylustre enters.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Jo ! why aren't you with the shooters ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 129 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Why ! Tliey hooked it while I was tellin' 'em the 
tale of Tom Bolter and the ducks. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Never mind, my pet. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

It's rude — that's what it is — it's dooced rude. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Come along, we'll walk on to the moor. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Wliat, are you going too, Fan ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Yes, dear. Your poor Fanny has a little bit of 
fun on. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Oh, Fan, if I only 'ad your confidence, your push. 
But the rudeness of these people is gettin' on my 
nerves. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Why, Joseph ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
I feel a little 'urt, Fan — a little 'urt. 
[Valentine enters.^ 

Valentine White. 
Mr. Lebanon ! 



130 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Hi ! Where are they ? 

Valentine White. 
Just starting in the drag. Be quick. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
[To Mrs. Gaylustre.] Come on ! They shall 
hear about Tom Bolter and the ducks before I've 
done with 'em. Come on ! 

[Mrs. Gaylustre and Lebanon hurry out.'] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
[Outside.] Hi ! Hi ! 

Valentine White. 
That fellow was born to hail an omnibus. 

[Imogen appears^ 

Imogen. 
\_Not seeing Valentine.] Will he be long ? [She 
encounters him,] Oh ! You are not neglecting 
your duties, I hope, Valentine ? 

Valentine White. 
I shall follow the others in the cart. Your note 
was marked "urgent." 

Imogen. 
Was it ? 

Valentine White. 
[Shelving her letter.] " Urgent." 

Imogen. 
What a thoua'htless habit it is to mark- all one's 



THE CABINET MINISTER 131 

letters "urgent." All I wanted to say to you is 
this— but it isn't urgent. j j i» 

Valentine White. 
No, no— I understand that. 

Imogen. 

I merely had a foolish desire to be the first to 
acquaint you of my— undeserved happiness. 

Valentine Wmte. 
What happiness don't you deserve ? 
Imogen. 
Va^enline^^'""^^^ ""^ becoming Lady Colin Macphail, 

Valentine White. 
Oh. Is that— all ? 

Imogen. 
That's all — just at present. 

Valentine White. 
Hah ! You'll be a fine lady now, past recovery. 

Imogen. 

Valentine White. 
All that sweet simplicity of yours in London was 
purely an assumption, I suppose ? 

Imogen. 
Things are— what they appear. 



132 THE VABINET MINISTER 

Valentine White. 

But you have your heart's desu'e at last, I pre- 
sume ? 

Imogen. 

I — I presume I have. 

Valentine White. 
[Burying his head in his hands.] Oh ! 

Imogen. 
What are you going* to do next ? 

Valentine White. 
Japan. 

Imogen. 
Nice part of Japan ? 

Valentine White. 
The murderous districts. 

Imogen. 
Oh ! Then you don't propose to — return alive ? 

Valentine White. 
Not according to my present arrangements. 

Imogen. 
You — you had better follow the shooters to 
Claigrossie now. 

Valentine White. 
Certainly. 

Imogen. 
I am glad to have had this gossip over our pros- 



THE CABINET MINISTER 133 

pects. We — we both seem to be doing well. Good- 
morDing. 

[^She offers her hand, which he takes ungraciously.'] 

Valentine White. 

Good-morning. 

Imogen. 

You haven't congratulated me yet — in the usual 
way. 

Valentine White. 

Will you be happy with — him ? 

Imogen. 
I think — partially. 

Valentine White. 

But you're not going to partially marry Sir Colin. 
How dare you do this ? 

Imogen. 

He was the first to ask me, Val. 

Valentine White. 

Tlie first to ask you ! You don't mean to suggest 
that any other man would have done ! 

Imogen. 
No — not any other. 

Valentine White. 
Some other ? 

Imogen. 

It's too late now—but yes. 



134 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Valentine White. 
A poor man ? 

Imogen. 
Val ! 

Valentine White. 

Would I have stood the remotest chance ? 

Imogen. 
It's too late now. 

Valentine White. 
Would I? Would I? 

Imogen. 
No. Nor any other nineteenth century savage. 

Valentine White. 
Savage ! 

Imogen. 

Mr. White, it is veiy much too late now ; but 
why, when you returned to England, didn't you 
wear uncomfortable clothes like other gentlemen ; 
and a very high collar, and varnished boots, like 
other gentlemen ? 

Valentine White. 

Why ? Because I cannot be false to my princi- 
ples. 

Imogen. 

People say that principles which deal too much 
with the outside of things are nothing but affecta- 
tions. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 135 

Valentine White. 
Imogen ! 

Imogen. 

If a man has a good heart he should have a good 
hat. 

Valentine White. 

Imogen — Jenny ! If I had ever come to you — in 

a good hat 

Imogen. 

If you had, then when mamma urged me to marry 
perhaps she would not have blamed me for 

Valentine White. 
For what ? 

Imogen. 

For liking some pleasant-looking gentleman who 
laughed at harmless follies instead of scolding them. 

Valentine White. 
And now? 

Imogen. 

Now ! Now — it is too late. 

[She falls into his arms ; he embraces her.^ 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
[Outside.'] Hi, hi ! Come here ! hi ! 

Imogen. 
Ah! 

[She breaks from Valentine and runs out, as Leb- 
anon enters, very pale and upset.] 



136 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mk. Joseph Lebanon. 
[Clinging to Valentine.] Old fellow ! 

Valentine White. 
What's the matter with yoii ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Gurrrh ! You — you're wanted ! 

[Lady Twombley enters.'\ 

Lady Twombley. 
Good gracious ! 

Valentine White. 
Something has happened, I'm afraid. 

[Valentine goea out.l 

Lady Twombley. 
[To Lebanon.] You're ill ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
I'm upset. 

Lady Twombley. 
Too much breakfast ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
No. I — I've peppered Macphail. 

Lady Twombley. 
Peppered him ! Can't you take your mind off 
eating ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
You don't understand. I was in the wagonette, 
tellin' 'em the story of Tom Bolter and those beastly 
ducks. I got 'old of a beastly gun and just as I 



THE CABINET MINISTER 137 

was demonstrating how I shot the fifteen beastly 
birds 

Lady Twombley. 
It went off ! 

Mr. Joseph Leb.\non. 
Well! Don't make such a fuss about it I 

Lady Twombley. 
Ah ! and it was pointed at Sir Colin ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Pointed at him ! No ! His legs were stuck right 
in the way. 

Lady Twombley. 
Heavens ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Be quiet ! Make light of it— make light of it, hke 
I do ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Now, now I hope you're content ! 

Mr Joseph Lebanon. 

No, I'm not. I wouldn't have had this 'appen 
for 'alf a sovereign. This 'Ighland 'oHday of mine 
is gettin' on my nerves. 

Lady Twombley. 
Your nerves ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Yes, Lady T. Imagine what it must mean to 
a shy man to spend a rollicking August with a lot 



188 THE CABINET MINISTER 

of iDeople whose chief occupation is staring at the 
tips of their own aquiUue noses. 

Lady Twombley. 
Ha, ha, ha ! 

Mk. Joseph Lebanon. 

Imagine what it must be to a shy man to find him- 
self always leading the conversation, instead of fol- 
lowing it with a sparkling comment or two as I'm 
in the 'abit of doin' in my own circle. Think of me 
starting every topic and arguing on it till my 
throat's sore ; making every joke and roaring at it 
till I get blood to the head. Sometimes when I'm 
in the middle of a long story and not a soul listen- 
ing I feel so lonely I — I could almost cry. 

Lady Twombley. 

Then out of your own sufferings why can't you 
find some compassion for mine ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

It's pathetic — that's what my position is — it's 
dooced pathetic. 

Lady Twombley. 

In mercy's name why don't you retire quietly to 
your room and pack ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
What ! Throw up the sponge ? 

Lady Twombley. 

You needn't throw up your sponge— joac^ your 
sponge. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 139 

Mk. Joseph Lebanon. 

I understand, Lady T. — hook it ! 

Lady Twombley. 

^' Hook it " is a harsh way of putting it. Bring 
your visit to a close. Think of what you are losing 
here ! Think of Margate, where I feel you must 
have many dear friends ! 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 

I — I've half a mind to. 

Lady Twombley. 

Ha ! Bless you, Mr. Lebanon, bless you ! I'll 
fetch you a Bradshaw. 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
Stop ! I forgot the hop. 

Lady Twombley. 
The hop ? 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 

There's a ball here to-morrow night. 

Lady Twombley. 
For heaven's sake, don't wait for the hop. 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
I had half a dozen lessons in the Scotch Reel be- 
fore I left town. 

L.\dy Twombley. 
And you would risk the Reel on half a dozen les- 
sons ! Madman ! 



140 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Half a dozen lessons at store prices. Dash it all, 
you wouldn't 'ave me waste 'em I 

Lady Twombley. 
Hopeless. 

[Sir Julian enters unobserved by Lebanon or Lady 
Twombley.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Look 'ere, Lady T. ! I'm sorry to disappoint a 
lady, but it ain't Mr. Joseph Lebanon's principle to 
do something for nothing. 

Lady Twombley. 

No. If you lent a lady your arm you'd do it at 
interest. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Vm not alludin' to our pleasant financial relation- 
ship. Lady T. AVhat I infer is that if after the 
forthcoming hop I drag myself away from my sor- 
i-owin' friends at Drumdurris I expect a — ah — a so- 
latium. [Sir Julian remains ivatching and listening.] 

Lady Twombley. 
A what ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Lady T., my pride has been wounded in this 
'ouse — my self-respect has been 'urt. 

Lady Twombley. 
Ha, ha, ha ! Pardon me, I'm hysterical. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 141 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

If you could 'eal my feelings by rendering me a 
service 

Lady Twombley. 

To be rid of you ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh, Lady T., 'ow plainly you put it ! Well, yes. 

Lady Twombley. 
Try me. [Sir Julian disappears suddenly.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
'Ush ! Thought I 'eard somebody. Lady T., you 
are aware that Mr. Joseph Lebanon's position in 
the financial world is an eminent one. 

Lady Twombley. 
I wasn't aware of it. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Take it from me, Lady T., take it from me. But 
that distinguished position might be advanced by 
the success of some delicate little financial operations 
which I'm on the brink of, Lady Twombley, on the 
brink of. Lady T., if I could know twenty-four 
hours in advance of the prying newspapers the deci- 
sion of the Government on the Rajputana Canal 
Question it would go far to 'eal the wound my self- 
respect has received in this recherche 'Ighland 'ome. 
You follow me, Lady T. ? 

Lady Twombley. 
I suppose you mean that when the decision of 



142 THE CABINET MINISTER 

the Government is known in the City something or 
other will go up and something or other will go 
down on the Stock Exchange ? Is that it ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
That's it, Lady T., that's it ! And some fellers 
will make fortunes ! Oh, Lady T. ! 

Lady Twombley. 

But why do you bother a poor woman with a 

headache 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Because without the gentle guidance of tender- 
hearted woman I can't find out whether the Govern- 
ment is going to grant the concession for the cut- 
ting of the Eajputana Canal. Oh, Lady Twombley, 
let me 'ave five minutes alone with Sir Julian's 
papers in Sir Julian's room. 

Lady Twombley. 
Mr. Lebanon ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Two minutes ! A stroll round. I'll go in with a 
duster and tidy up. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Or give me a glimpse of some of the documents 
i\Ir. Melton brought with him in that box yesterday. 

Lady Twombley. 
I want some fresh air ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 143 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Wait ! If you'll do this for me I'll clear out of 
Driiindurris with Fanny on Thursday morning. 

Lady Twombley. 
Ah, no ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

And I'll hand vou back your acceptances— every- 
one of 'em — I will — on my word of honor as a gen- 
tleman ! 

[She seizes him by the throat and shakes him 
molently.'] 

Lady Twoivibley, 
How dare you ! How dare you tempt me ! 
Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[Arranging his hair and mustache with his pocket 
comb and mirror.] Oh, ladies are trying in business 
— they are dooced trying. 

Lady Twombley. 

You — you wretch ! Do you think I haven't en- 
dured enough for the past three months without 
this? Oh, pa, what will you say to your Kitty when 
you know the disgrace she's brought on you ! Oh, 
my chicks, my chicks, my blessed chicks ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Lady Twombley, my pride has been wounded, 
my self-respect has been 'urt in this recherche 'Igh- 
land 'ome for, I 'ope, the last time. I shall retire 
from the hop early to-morrow night and hook it — 
bring my visit to a close — on Thursday morning. 



144 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
Thank you. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Next week the first bit of paper bearin' the hou- 
ored name of woman falls doo. 

Lady Twoimbley. 
Oh! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

I repeat the word, d-u-e, doo. 

Lady Twombley. 
Mr. Lebanon ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Our interview has been a distressin' one, Lady 
Twombley. It is over. 

Lady Twombley. 

Mr. Lebanon I Mr. Lebanon ! YHe turns his chair 
'from her. To herself.'] It's all up with me. I — 
I'll go and find pa, and tell him. There's no help 
for it— I'll tell him. Mr. Lebanon ! For the last 
time — have compassion on a poor fool of a woman ! 
[ffe turns aivay.] Oh ! I'll go to pa's room and — 
tell him. [She goes out.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

That's one way to the old gentleman's room. \_He 
opens the door and listens.] Ah ! what's the latest 
quotation for lovely woman's weakness? 

[Valentine enters with Mrs. Gaylustre and Mac- 
PHAiL, who looks very scared, has a handkerchief 
bound round his knee, and leans on Mrs. Gaylus- 
tre's ai'ni. She suijports him to a chair.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 145 

Mrs. Gaylustke. 

[To Sir Colin.] Lean on your poor broken- 
hearted friend. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[To himself. '\ Ob, the dooce ! 

Valentine White. 

I'll find Lady Macphail. [He goes out.'] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[Whimpering to Lebanon.] Get out of sight ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

[Aside to her.] Can't, I must wait here — I've 
got an important little affair on. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

So have I. Leave us ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Oh, my goodness, how selfish you are, Fanny ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Selfish ! you'll ruin my prospects in life ! Brute ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Vixen ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Bah ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Bah! 

[Lebanon goes out. Mrs. Gaylustre throws her- 
self on her knees beside Macphail.] 



146 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
How do you feel now ? 

Macphail. 
Well, its tingling. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Tingling ! You bear it like a hero. 

Macphail. 

I appreciate the compliment, but I'm thinking I'm 
only a bit singed. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Ah, but why, why do you indulge in these reck- 
less sports ? 

Macphail. 

I was merely sitting in the drag looking at the 
sky. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Sitting in the drag looking at the sky ! How 
foolhardy ! 

Macphail. 

Whereupon your brother, without a word of warn- 
ing, blazed away at my knee. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Ah, don't describe it ! Suppose you had had your 
head on your knee ! 

Lady Macphail. 
[Outside.^ Take me to Colin ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 147 

Macphail. 
My mother ! 

Mrs. Gaylustee. 

[To herself.'] Drat my mother ! 

[She stands with her handkerchief to her eyes. Lady 
Macphail enters with Egidia, the Dowager, 
Lady Euphemia, and Valentine.] 

Egidia. 
Sir Colin ! 

Dowager. 

[Sitting at icriting- table.] I'll telegraph to Sir 
George McHarness, the surgeon. 

Lady Macphail. 

Now let the wail of the lament waken the echoes 
of black Ben-Muchty ! 

Macphail. 

[Rising from the chair.] It's not at all necessary, 
mother. 

Egidia. 
He can stand ! 

Dowager. 

[Writing.] " Bring— chloroform — and knives." 
Lady Macphail. 

Ah, Colin, lad, why did we ever quit the gray 
shores of Loch-ne-Doich ? 



148 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Macphail. 

I'll go upstairs and bathe my knee, mother. 

[Lady Macphail leads him.] 

Egidia. 
He can walk ! 

Lady Macphail 

Madam, a Macphail can always walk under any 
circumstances. 

Dowager. 

[Reading the telegram she has written.'] *'If — in 
— doubt — amputate. " 

[Lady Macphail, Macphail, Valentine, Lady 
EuPHEMiA, Egidia, and the Dowager go out.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[Weeping till the others are out of sight.] Joseph 
will die of remorse ! [Calling.] The coast is clear, 
Joseph. Jo ! 

[As she goes out Lady Twombley enters in great agi- 
tation, clutching an important-looking document.] 

Lady Twombley. 

Kitty, what have you done ! Kitty, what have 
you done ! 

[Lebanon entej^s.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Lady T.! Thought so! [Seeing the paper.] 
Oh, my goodness, what has she got there ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 149 

Lady Twombley. 
I must — I must find Julian ! Oh ! 
Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
[Snatching the paper from her.] Excuse me ! 

Lady Twombley. 
All ! give me back that paper ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Lady T., oh, Lady T. ! 

Lady Twombley. 
[Following him round table.'] Give me back that 
paper ! Dear, sweet Mr. Lebanon ! 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
[Reading the paper.] Ha ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Ah ! don't read it ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
My friend Sir Julian's own writing ! The Raj- 
putana Canal is a blessed fact ! Lady Twomblej^, 
I forget my wounded pride, I forgive the blow to 
my self-respect. You have won a place in Jo Leb- 
anon's heart. 

Lady Twombley. 
Give me back that paper and forget it ! 

]Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
[Returning the paper.] Give it you back? De- 
lighted. Forget it ? Oh, Lady T., Lady T. 



160 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 
Devil ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon 
Lady Twombley, Joseph Lebanon is, above all 
things, a man of honor. \_Handing bills to Lady 
Twombley.] Lovely woman's Acceptances. 

Lady Twombley. 

I won't take them. I won't buy them back at 
such a price. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Natural delicacy. [Laylvg the bills on the table.] 
You can pick 'em up when I'm gone. 

Lady Twombley. 

Oh, what a wicked woman I am ! 
Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

I can get out of these beastly clothes, drive to 
Strachlachan Junction, and wire to town before 
feedin' time. The city is on the eve of a financial 
earthquake ! Joseph's name will be a 'ouse'old 
word from Mile End to Kensington ! Lady Twom- 
bley, we meet at the hop to-morrow night for the 
last time — in Society. [Boisterously.] Whoop ! 
Dash Society I [He performs a few steps of a High' 
land dance.] Excuse my humor. [He goes out.] 

Lady Twombley. 
The bills ! The bills ! They musnt't He there. 

[She crosses to r.c. As she goes to the table Sir Julian, 
looking very white and dishevelled, enters, and, 
standing opposite to her, takes up the bills and 
presents them to her.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 151 

Lady Twombley. 
Pa! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Lady Twombley ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, my gracious ! 

i^She drops on her hands and knees at Sik Ju- 
lian's feet.] 

Lady Twombley. 

You've found me out, pa ! You've found me 
out! . 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I Lave found you out. 

Lady Twombley. 
How did you manage it ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

By degrading myself to the position of an eaves- 
dropper. 

Lady Twombley. 
That's pretty mean, pa — ain't it ? 

[Seeing that he is examining the bills she puts up 
her hands and seizes them.] 

Lady Twombley. 

Ah ! Don't tot 'em up ! Don't tot 'em up ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Katherine, when I first saw you, three-and-twenty 
years ago, you were standing over a tub in the tiled 



152 THE CABINET MINISTER 

yard of your father's farm wringing out your little 
sister's pinafores. 

Lady Twombley. 
\\Veeping.] Oh-b-h ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Could I have looked forward I should have 
known that you would one day wring my feelings 
as you do now. 

Lady Twombley. 
Pa, I've fallen into the hands of the unscrupulous. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Woman ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Oh, don't call me that, pa ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
The unscrupulous ! You have lost the right to 
ever again use that serviceable word. 

Lady Twombley. 
What do you mean ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
How do you come by those Bills? 

Lady Twombley. 
Julian, you know! [Going toward him on her 
knees franticalhj.] Ah, don't stare like that ! [Put- 
ting her arms round him.] Husband ! Dear hus- 
band, you are glaring like an idiot ! Listen ! [She 
shakes him violently.'] Listen ! When that reptile 
tempted me I ran upstairs intending to tell you all. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 153 

I did. Oh, pa, don't stare at nothing ! I knocked 
at your door ; there was a drumming* in my e^rs, 
and I fancied your voice answered me telling me to 
enter. Oh, try winking, pa, try winking ! Your 
room was empty — left unguarded, the door unlocked. 
I entered. Wink, pa ; for mercy's sake, wink ! I 
sank into a chair to wait for 3-our coming, [Talcing 
the loritten imper from her pocket.] and there, on 
your table, right before my eyes, I saw this thing 
like a white ghost 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

A memorandum in my writing that the conces- 
sion for the Rajputana Canal is to be granted. 

Lady Twombley. 

Yes, yes. I tried to forget it was there. But 
the chairs and tables seemed to dance before me 
and every object in the room had a voice crying 
out, " Kitty, you silly woman, get back your Bills 
from that demon who is plaguing you ! " I put my 
fingers in my ears and then the voices were shut up 
in my brain, and still they shrieked, " Kitty, get 
back your Bills ! Get back your Bills ! " I snatched 
up this paper and ran from the room. Even then if 
I had met you, Julian, I should have been safe ; but 
whenever Old Nick wants to play the deuce with a 
mari'ied lady he begins by taking her husband for a 
stroll, and so I fell into Lebanon's clutches — and I 
— I — I'm done for ! [She sinks into a chair.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Katherine, those Bills must be returned to the 
creature, Lebanon. 



154 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 

Yes. And — and — pa, dear, you'll never speak 
kindly to me after this, will you ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

I trust I shall be invariably polite to you, Kath- 
eriue. 

Lady Twombley. 

Oli-h-h ! We shall be whitewashed in the Bank- 
ruptcy Court eventually, I suppose ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
All in good time, Katherine. 

liADY Twombley. 
And then — what then ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Then we must hope for a cottage, and a small 
garden where we can grow our own vegetables and 
learn wisdom. 

Lady Twombley^ 

Our — own — vegetables. And years hence, pa, 
sometimes when I am sitting over my knitting, 
you'll forget the past, and play your flute again, and 
be happy ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Katherine ! \He takes his flute from his pocket 
and breaks it into pieces across his knee.'] Never, 
never again, Katherine. [^As he is leaving her.] One 
pang of remorse I can spare you, Katherine. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 155 

Lady Twombley, 
Don't ! 

SiK Julian Twombley. 

You believe you have betrayed a solemn secret 
of the Government to that unprincipled money- 
lender. 

Lady Twombley. 
Of course. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
That you have not done. 

Lady Twombley. 
Pa! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

No, Katherine. Overhearing his shameful propo- 
sition, and fearing your weakness, I had time to 
hasten to my room, conceal all important papers, 
and scribble the memorandum you abstracted. 

Lady Twombley. 

Why, then 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

That writing records the exact reverse of the 
truth. 

Lady Twombley. 
And — and Joseph ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

In the language of the vulgar — Mr. Lebanon is 

sold. [He goes outl 



156 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Lady Twombley. 

Julian ! Ah ! [Staring at the paper. ^ The ex- 
act reverse of the truth ! Then the Rajputana Ca- 
nal Julian, why should you be first blackened 

and then whitewashed because of your vagabond 
wife ? A cottage — our own vegetables ! Never ! 
Why shouldn't / have my delicate little financial 
operations in the City ? Oh, my gracious ! 

[Drumdurris and Brooke enter. ^ 

Brooke Twombley. 
Hullo, Mater— what? 

Lady Twombley. 

Brooke ! Keith ! You boys must drive me over 
to Strachlachan Junction. I must telegraph to 
London backward and forward all day. Keith, put 
me into communication with your Stockbroker in 
town ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Aunt ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Silence ! I'm on the brink of some delicate little 
financial operations ! [To Brooke.] Get out the 
cart ! 

Brooke Twombley. 

The drag's outside. 

Lady Twombley. 
Come on ! 

[Lebanon enters hastily.'] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 157 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Hi, Drumdurris ! Let me 'ave a carriage to go to 
Straclilaclian Junction. I want to wire to town. 

Lady Twombley. 

Do you ? So do we. We'll give you a lift. 
Come on ! [They all hurry out.] 



END OF THE THIRD ACT. 



THE FOURTH ACT. 

Dancing. 

The scene is still the inner hall of Drumdurris 
Castle, now brilliantly lighted and fiorally de- 
corated, the evening after the events of the pre- 
vious act. 

Waltz-music is heard, then a slight scream, and Leb- 
anon, in fidl Highland costume, enters hastily. 

Me. Joseph Ljebanon. 
I wouldn't 'ave 'ad it 'appen for 'alf a sovereign. 

[The Munkittrigk, a fiery old gentleman in Highland 
dress, enters.] 

The Munkitteick. 
Sir, I am most indignant ! 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 

I've explained. I felt myself goin' and I caught 
at what came nearest. 

The Munkitteick. 
My daughter came nearest. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 159 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

I know. Don't make such a fuss about it ! Do 
remember we're at a ball ! 

The Munkittrick. 
Miss Munkittrick is torn to ribbons. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

All right. Make light of it— make light of it, like 
I do. 

The Munkittrick. 
Ah-h-h ! 

[Drumdurris, in Highland dress, enters witJi Miss 
Munkittrick, who is much discomposed, and 
Egidia, who is soothing her.] 

Earl op Drumdurris. 
[To Munkittrick.] My dear sir ! 

Miss Munkittrick. 
Papa ! 

Egidia. 
Oh, Flora, Flora ! 

The Munkittrick. 

Lord Drumdurris ! 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Let it blow over. We're all forgettin' we're at a 
ball. 

The Munkittrick. 

Miss Munkittrick has been rolled upon the floor. 



160 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
She was passin' at the time — I didn't select her. 
Don't be so conceited ! 

[Lebanon continues to explain. Munkittkick is indig- 
nant ; Drumdurris endeavors to soothe him. 
Brooke enters carrying a mtin shoe, which he 
presents to Miss Munkittrick.] 

Brooke Twombley. 
Awfully sorry — what ? [Brooke hurries out.] 

Miss Munkittrick. 
Where is papa ? 

[Imogen enters, carrying an aigrette.'] 

Imogen. 

Oh, Miss Munkittrick, what a shocking mishap ! 

[They fasten the aigrette in Miss Munkittrick's hair.] 

Miss Munkittrick. 
Have you seen my papa ? 

[Lady Euphemia, carrying a sash, hu7Ties in as Imogen 
goes off. Miss Munkittrick rises ; Lady Euphe- 
mia and Egidia adjust the sash hastily.] 

Lady Euphemia Vibart. 
[Adjusting the sash.] My dear Flora, this is too un- 
fortunate ! 

[Brooke re-enters with another shoe.] 
Brooke Twombley. 
The other — what. [To Lady Euphemia.] There 
are some more pieces — come and help. 

[Brooke and Lady Euphemia hurry out.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER IGi 

Miss Munkittkick. 
I want my papa ! [Seeing Munkitteick.] Ali ! 

The Munkitteick. 
[Giving her his arm.] Flora, we'll go home. 

Miss Munkitteick. 

Papa, I'm not nearly all. 

[Her aigrette is very much on one side, her sash 
is trailing, and she limps away carrying one 
slipper.] 

EaiDiA. 

Pray don't think of going ! 

Me. Joseph Lebai^on. 
Let it blow over ! 

Eael of Deumdueeis. 
My dear sir ! 

Me. Joseph Leb.vnon. 

Oh, very well, you're losing the best of the ball. 

[The Munkitteick and Miss Munkitteick go out, fol- 
lowed by Egidia and Deumdueeis. Imogen, 
Lady Euphemia, and Beooke enter hastily, each 
carrying a fragment of Miss Munkitteick's dress.] 

Me. Joseph Lebanon. 
[Taking the remnants.] Allow me— allow me — my 
affair. 

[Imogen, Lady Euphemia, and Beooke go out. 
Lebanon crams the pieces of Miss Munkitteick's 
dress under a chair cushion.] 



162 THE CABINET MINIS TEE 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Let it blow over. Where's my partner? 

[He goes out, Macphail enters with Mrs. Gaylustre 
upon his arm.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Staying out is infinitely preferable to dancing, is 
it not, dear Sir Colin ? 

Macphail. 
Aye. I hate dancing. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
But your dear mother says you resemble some 
beautiful wild thing when you dance the Strathspey. 

Macphail. 
That's because I hate it ; the Strathspey's enough 
to make a lad wild. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Witty boy ! 

Macphail. 
Eh, do you think I'm naturally quick ? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Quick '? 

Macphail. 
Quick in my understanding ? ^ 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
I'm sure of it. 

Macphail. 
Eh, I'm glad you think I'm quick. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 163 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Why? 

Macphail. 

Because Ballocheevin — that's our place, j'ou un- 
derstand— Ballocheevin is enough to soften a lad's 
brain. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Then why hide your light at Ballocheevin ? 
Macphail. 

Well, the Macphails have lived there since eleven 
hundred and two. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
How romantic ! 

Macphail. 

So mother's just got out of the way of moving. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Charming attachment to an old home. 

Macphail. 
Aye, it's old. It hasn't been papered and done 
up since Robert Bruce stayed with us. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
. Robert Bruce ! 

Macphail. 
Aye — just from a Saturday till Monday, I'm think- 
ing. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
There must be a legend attached to every stone 
of Ballocheevin. 



164 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Macphail. 
Aye, it's interesting — but it requires papering. 
I am so tired of Ballocheevin. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
But you love the rugged country, the vast over- 
whelming hills, and the placid lochs ? 

Macphail. 
Mother's been telling you that. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Isn't it true ? 

Macphail. 
Eh, I am just weary of my native scenery. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
But what about the misty chasms of Ben-Muchty ? 

Macphail. 
That's an awfully damp place. That's where I 
caught my bad cold. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
And the gray shore of Loch-na-Doich ? Your 
mother says you adore it. 

Macphail. 
Eh, I am sick of Loch-na-Doich. 
Mrs. Gaylustre. 
And your feet don't ache to press the heather ? 

Macphail. 
It's when they're on the heather my feet ache. 
It's poor walking heather. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 165 

Mks. Gaylustre. 

Then you don't watch the sun rise from the jagged 
summit of Ben-na-fechan ? 

Macphail. 

[Gunjiingly.] Eh, but I do though, every day when 
I'm at home. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
But why ? 

jVIacphail. 

To get away from mother. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Poor boy ! 

Macphail. 

[Reflectively.] I've been thinking 

^Irs. Gaylustre. 
Yes? 

Macphail. 

That you'd better let go my arm now. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Sir Colin ! 

Macphail. 

I've no personal objection, you understand ; but 
mother's always looking for me. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

How thoughtless I am ! [He walks away.] Sir 
Colin ! 

Macphail. 
Aye? 



166 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Your motlier is driving you to contract tlii.s iiiar- 
riage with Miss Tworabley. 

Macphail. 

Well, mother's just making the arrangements. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Your great heart hasn't gone out to her ! Un- 
happiness must ensue ! Your bright career will be 
dimmed ! 

Macphail. 
Will be what f 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Dimmed. What did yon think I said ? Oh, Sir 
Colin, don't carry this unsuitable bride to Ballo- 
cheevin ! 

Macphail. 

Well, it's a serious step ; but I've been thinking it 
would be another in the house. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

You don't want another in the house. You need 
a strong, self-reliant wife who will take you out of 
the house. 

Macphail. 
Eh? 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

A woman, loving but firm, tender but enterpris- 
ing, who will bear you from j^our dilapidated home 
and plunge you into the vortex of some great city. 
[Suddenly.] Have you ever been to Paris ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 167 

Macphail. 
No. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
I know every inch of it ' 

Macphail. 
Madam I 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Oh, what have I said ! Sir Colin, you have 
guessed my secret ! 

\}il\cvB.ML produces his ball-programme from his 
stocking and refers to it.] 

Macphail. 

I'm engaged to Miss Kilbouie for this waltz, if 
you'll excuse me. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
[Holding out her hand to him.] Colin. 

IVIacphail. 

I'm thinking mother will be wondering 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[To herself.] Drat your moth [To Macphail.] 

Never mind dear Lady Macphail for a moment. 
Colin, since you have discovered my love for you I 
will make no further reservation 

Macphail. 
But mother 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
[Under her breath.] Drat your [To Mac- 
phail.] Colin, I will be to you the wife you have 
described. 



168 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Macphail. 
I'm extremely obliged to ye — but 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Hush, bold boy ! [She gives him a card.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
You know my cruel brother takes me back to 
town to-morrow. Here is my address so that you 
may write to me constantly, devotedly. 

Macphail. 
[Reading the card.] " Mauricette & Co., Court 
Dressmakers " 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

[Snatching the card from him.] That's a wrong 

'un — I mean, that's a mistake. [Gimng another^ 

There. Hide it away, dear one — nearest your heart. 

[He slijjs it into his stocking.] 

Macphail. 
Oh! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
And now, as I start in the morning at nine- 
forty-five, sharp, on the tick, we must say farewell. 
Oh, this parting is too cruel. Colin ! 

[She falls against him.] 

Macphail. 
Here's my mother I [He throws her off.] 

Mrs Gaylustre. 
[Under her breath.] Drat your mother ! 

[Lady Macphail enters.] 



THE CABINET MINISTER 169 

Lady Macphail. 

Madam. [To Macphail.] Why do you leave the 
ball-room, my lad ? 

Macphail. 

I've been just watching the moonlight on Loch 
Auchentoshan. 

Lady Macphail. 

I am proud to see this devotion to Loch Auchen- 
toshan, but to-night you have other duties almost 
equally important. After this paltry waltz we lose 
ourselves in the wild pleasures of our native dance. 

Macphail. 

The Strathspey ? [He takes Mrs. Gaylustee's 
card from his stocking.'] Oh! \ Hides it and pro- 
duces his hall-proyr amine from his other stock- 
ing.'] The Strathspey. 

Lady Macphail. 

Come, lad. They have yet to see the Macphail 
lead the Strathspey with his betrothed. 

\_Tliey go out together.] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Yes, and they shall ultimately see the Macphail 
writing love-letters to Fanny — love-letters with a 
promise of marriage in 'em. I'll consult a solicitor 
directly I reach town and be ready to marry or to 
sue him. Oh, Fanny, Fanny, ungrateful girl, what 
a lot you have to be thankful for ! 

[She runs out aiid Angele peeps in.] 



170 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Angele. 

Milord ! Milady ! [She enters.'] I must find 
iiiilady! Milady ! 

[Lady Twombley enters^ 

Lady Twombley. 
No news from Beeves & Shncklebact, the Stock- 
brokers. The waiting for it will finish me ! 

Angele. 
Oh, Milady Twombley ! 

Lady Twombley. 
[Turning to her sharply.^ Ah ! 

ANGtLE. 

Tell me, vere is milord ? 

Lady Twombley. 
What ! Has a messenger come from Strachlachan 
with a telegram for Lord Drumdurris? Speak ! 

Anglle. 
I do not know. 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh! 

Angele. 
But, oh, miladj^, I 'ave been a vicked girl ! 

Lady Twoivibley. 
I dare say you have — that's your business. 

Angele. 
Milady, ze leetle Lord Aberbrothock is indispose. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 171 

Lady Twombley. 
The baby? 

Angele. 

Yees. To please milord, and contrary to milady's 
ordares, I put Lord Aberbrotliock to bed wiz bis 
gun. 

Lady Twombley. 

I know — I'm a mother — the child has swallowed • 
the paint ! 

Angele. 
Ah, yees ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Send a groom to Strachlachan for Dr. M'Gubbie. 
Angele. 



Yees, milady. 
Angele ! 
Milady? 



Lady Twombley. 

Angele. 
Lady Twombley. 



Tell the man to inquire at Strachlachan for tele- 
grams for the Castle. 

Angele. 
Yees, milady. [Angele runs out.] 

Lady Twombley. 

Oh, for a telegram from Reeves & Shuckleback ! 
My diamonds, my double row of pearls for a tele- 
gram from Reeves & Shuckleback ! 

[Egidia enters with Angele, followed by Deumdurris.] 



172 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Egidia. 
Lady Twombley ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Has Keith had a telegram ? 

Egidia. 
A telegram — no. My son is ill ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh, I know — he has nibbled his gun. 

Egidia. 
His gun I 

Angele. 
Yees, milady. 

Egidia. 

Ah ! The Army ! [To Drumdurris.] So you 
have gained your own ends after all, Keith, and my 
boy has fallen. 

[Egidia goes out, followed by Angele. Drumdur- 
ris sinks into a chair.] 

Lady Twombley. 
Keith. 

Earl of Drumdurris, 

Don't speak to me, please, aunt. 

Lady Twombley. 
I must. Eeeves & Shuckleback are strangely 
silent. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

Let them remain so — I care not. 



THE CABINET MINISTER 173 

Lady Twombley. 

You don't care ! Surelj you are anxious to know 
whether you have been instrumental in saving me 
from — from growing my own vegetables? 

Earl of Dkujidueris. 
Growing your own — — 

Lady Twombley. 

Surely you want to know whether you have made 
me a wealthy woman or have ruined yourself in the 
effort? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

Ruined myself ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Keith, dear, I am afraid I haven't done what is 
strictly regular, but when you put me into commu- 
nication with your Stockbrokers I carried on my 
delicate little financial operations with them in your 
name. 

E.\el of Drumdurris. 
Aunt Kate ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Keith, you're annoyed ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

May I ask what delicate little financial opera- 
tions ? 

Lady Twombley. 

I've speculated on the strength of my private 



174 THE CABINET MINISTER 

knowledge of the decision of the Government on 
the Rajputana Canal Question — I mean you have 
speculated. 

Eael of Drumdurkis. 

Aunt Twombley, how dare you do such a thing ? 

Lady Twombley. 

How dare I ! Boy — for you are little more — boy, 
you wouldn't have a Cabinet Minister's wife take 
advantage of her confidential acquaintance with her 
husband's official affairs to advance her own inter- 
ests ! Oh, Keith ! 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
But you've done it ! 

Lady Twombley. 
No, I haven't. Don't be so dull, you've done it. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

And if your delicate little financial opera- 
tions 

Lady Twombley. 

If they come off, you have made what you men call 
a pile, Keith. All through your blundering aunty 
you will have made a pile. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

Which I hand over to you, Aunt Kate ? 

Lady Twombley. 

I shall borrow it, Keith, dear — may T ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 175 

Earl of Drumdueeis. 

And if — pardon the question — if your delicate lit- 
tle financial operations 

Lady Twombley. 
Don't come off? 

Eael of Drumdueeis. 

Certainly ; if they don't come off, what then ? 

Lady Twombley. 

Then through your reckless speculation you will 
have impoverished your estate for the rest of your 
life ! 

Eael of Drumdueeis. 



Aunt ! 



[Egidia enters.'] 
Egidia. 



Keith ! 
Tell me. 



Eael of Drumdurris. 

Egidia. 
Fergus has taken a turn for the better. 

Earl op Drumdurris. 
Egidia, how can I look you in the face ? 

Egidia. 

Cannot we read a lesson from this dreadful oc- 
currence ? 

Earl of Drumdueeis. 
To reconcile our views ? 



176 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Egidia. 

Finally. You see now how unfitted our son is to 
a soldier's life. 

Eael of Dkumdurris. 

Yes, I have been wrong. Hai^pily it is not too 
late to remould his character. We must return to 
the ball-room. 

Egidia. 

First come with me and peep into the nurserj. 

Earl of Drumdueris. 
By all means — the nursery. 

Together. 
The nursery. 

[They go out as the Dowager enters.^ 

Dowager. 
Katherine ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Dora? 

Dowager. 

I am beside myself ! Have you heard the news ? 

Lady Twombley. 
News ? Telegrams for Keith ? 

Dowager. 

I know nothing about telegrams. I've just over- 
heard Julian talking solemnly to Brooke. Do you 
know what your husband intends to do ? 



THE CABINET MINISTER 1T7 

Lady Twombley. 
Grow his own vegetables. 

Dowager. 
Bother his vegetables ! He resigns his place in 
the Miinstry. 

Lady Twombley. 
The same thing. \To herself.^ Ah, why can't he 
wait ! 

[Sir Julian enters with Brooke.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Katherine, I have been telling Brooke of the 
change in his prospects. 

Brooke Twombley. 
I say, Mater, such a blow — what ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Pa, why can't you wait ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Wait — for what, Katherine ? 

Dowager. 
Wait till the boy can patch up his future with a 
wealthy wife, of course. 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
Keally, Dora, I don't think it would be absolutely 

fair 

Dowager. 

Fair ! People's actions are like their heads of 
hair — they can be dyed flaxen. [To Brooke.] Boy, 



178 THE CABINET MINISTER 

why do you let the grass grow under your pumps 
in this way 

Brooke Twombley. 

I haven't let the grass grow, Aunt Dora. I — ah — 
I have the happiness to be engaged — what ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Engaged ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Bless my soul ! 

Dowager. 

In mercy's name, to whom ? 

Brooke Twombley. 
To Effie. 

Lady Twombley and Sir Julian Twombley. 
Eaphemia ! 

Dowager. 
Euphemia ! Why, how dare you conspire to en- 
trap a child of mine into a moneyless marriage ? 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
My dear Dora, you yourself suggested 

Dowager. 
If I may be guilty of such an expression — fall- 
lall! 

Brooke Twombley. 

But, aunt 

Dowager. 

Hold your tongue, sir ! Ah, I believe you all have 
abominable motives ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 179 

Lady Twombley. 
[To herself.'] The telegram ! The telegram ! 
Wliy is there no telegram ? 

[The music of the Strathspey is heard. Imogen enters 
with Lady Euphemia.] 

Dowager. 
Enphemia ! 

[Lady Euphemia joms the others. Imogen goes to 
Lady Twombley in agitation.'] 

Imogen. 
Mamma ! The Strathspey ! 

Lady Twombley. 
What of it ? 

Imogen. 
I'm engaged to dance it with Sir Colin. Oh, 
mamma, I dont love him ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Child, you loved him the other night while j^our 
head was being washed. 

Imogen. 

I didn't see clearly then — the egg-julep was 
in my eyes. But now Lady Macphail is running- 
after me, from one room to another, because she 
declares I must fulfil the destiny of a Macphail's 
betrothed and lead the Strathspey by his side. But 
I won't dance a deception before a room full of 
people ! 

L.ADY Twombley. 

Imogen, there is nothing for you but this mar- 
riage or contemptible, cleanly poverty. 



180 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Imogen. 
Poverty ! 

Lady Twombley. 

Child, you are young to be told these things — but 
what do you think is likely to happen to pa and me ? 

Imogen. 

Mamma, keep nothing from me. 

Lady Twombley. 

In all probability we shall grow our own vege- 
tables. 

Imogen. 
Oh! What for? 

Lady Twombley. 

For dinner. And, oh, Imogen, have pity on your 
mother ! I can face contemptible cleanly poverty 
with pa alone, but if I see m^^ innocent chicks shar- 
ing our miseries every cabbage in our garden will 
grow up with a broken heart ! 

\She embraces Imogen. Lady Macphail enters ivith 
Macphail.] 

Lady Macphail. 
Miss Twombley, Lord Drumdurris's guests are 
politely waiting till you are pleased to lead the 
Strathspey with the Macphail. 

Macphail. 
Miss Twombley. 

Imogen. 
[Quietly to Lady Twombley.] Mamma ! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 181 

Lady Twombley. 
[To herself.^ No telegram from town. [To Imo- 
gen.] Imogen, you had better not lose your dance. 

[With a slight courtesy to Macphail, Imogen p^iues 
him her arm as Valentine enters, trimmed^ 
shaven, and in immaculate evening dress.] 

Beooke Twombley. 
Why, Val ! 

Lady Euphemia Vibaet. 

Mr. White ! 

•Valentine White, 
Imogen ! 

Imogen. 

[Leaving Macphail.] Valentine ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Valentine White ! 

Valentine White. 
Imogen, am I too late ? 

Imogen. 
Too late ? 

Valentine White. 

For the honor of dancing with you to-night ? 

Imogen. 
You — you are in time, Valentine. 

Valentine \\^hite. 
For which dance ? 

Imogen. 
This dance. 



182 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Macphail. 
Mother ! 

Dowager. 

The child's mad! 

Lady Macphail. 

Stop the Strathspey ! Stop the Strathspey ! 

[She hiuries out, followed by Macphail.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
White, really you shouldn't, you know. 

[The music ceases.] 

Valentine White. 
Sir Julian, Lady Twomble}^ with your permission 
I shall go no further to avoid the shams of life. I 
have found one cool resting-place in this world 
where there is reality and sincerity. [With Imo- 
gen's hands in his.] And I have found it in an ad- 
vanced state of civilization. 

[The Dowager jowZZs Imogen away.] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
I positively must beg 

Dowager. 
[To Imogen.] Child, at this moment I feel grate- 
ful that I am your aunt, with all an aunt's j^rivi- 
leges. [She shakes her.] 

Imogen. 
Mamma ! 

Lady Twombley. 

[Seizing Imogen.] My chick, your mother has 
privileges also. Bless you and Valentine. [Kissing 



THE CABINET MINISTER 183 

her.'] There ! Dora, if you shake my girl again I — I'll 
slap you ! 

Dowager. 
Ah ! Julian ! 

[Imogen runs to Sir Julian. Drumdukris appears 
icith a telegram.'] 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
Aunt ! 

Lady Twosibley. 
What's that ? 

Earl of Drumdurris. 
From Keeves & Shuckleback ! 

\_She snatches the telegram from him.] 

Everybody, 
What's the matter ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Julian, look at your wife ! Brooke, Imogen, come 
to your mother ! No more w^orries by day and bad 
dreams at night ! No poverty — no cottage — no — no 
vegetables ! I-:— I am a rich woman ! 

[She falls back fainting into Sir Julian's arms as they 
all surround her. At the same moment Lebanon 
rushes in with Mrs. Gaylustre. He has a tele- 
gram in his hand ; his aspect is wild, his face 
white.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon, 
Lady Twombley ! Where is she ? Lady Twom- 
bley ! 

\_As Lady Twombley is assisted to a chair Leb- 
anon falls into another.] 



184 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Imogen. 
Mamma ! 

Mrs. Gaylustrk 
Joseph ! 

Imogen. 
Ah! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Ah! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Be quiet ! Lady Twombley is ill ! 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Ill ! Look at Joseph ! My only brother ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Keith, explain this telegram or my brain will give 
way. 

Dowager. 

No, no — tell me. My brain is stronger than Sir 
Julian's. 

Earl of Drumdurris. 

{To Sir Julian and the Dowager apQ.rt.'] Mother — 

Sir Julian 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
I want a word or two with my friend, Lady T. 

[Mrs. Gaylustre arranges his chair so that he faces 
Lady Twombley. She and Lebanon stare at each 
other.] 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh! 

Lady Twombley. 
Ah! 



THE CABINET MINISTER 185 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Lady T. 

Lady Twombley. 
Hullo ? 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
I've 'ad a wire. 

Lady Twombley. 
So have L 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
From Moss & Emanuel, my brokers. 

Lady Twombley. 
Mine is from Keeves & Shuckleback. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
Oh, I see — your brokers. You've done me, Lady 
T. 

Lady Twombley. 
Don't mention it. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
You're a knowing one. 

Lady Twombley. 
I'm sure I'm very gratified to hear you say so. 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 
The Bills ! Give me the Bills you swindled me 
out of ! 

[He advances violently, but Mrs. Gaylustre holds 
him back. Lady Twombley hands the bills 
to Sir Julian ] 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Jo! 



186 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Mv. Lebanon, the Bills, sir. {Giving them.^ 

[Lebanon syiaps his fingers demonstratively in 
Sir Julian's face.l 

Mr. Joseph Lebanon. 

Drum., thank you for your recherche hospitality. 
Carriage to the station in the morning, if you 

please. [Kissing his hands.] Ladies [Bi^eak- 

ing down.] Oh, Fanny, take me to bed ! 

[He goes out. Mrs. Gaylustre is about to folloiv, 
when Lady Macphail enters with Macphail.] 

Lady Macphail. 

Madam ! My boy — my poor lad — has told me of 
your behavior. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

My behavior ! He loves me ! 

Lady Macphail. 



Colin ! 



Macphail. 



I thought I'd just better mention the affair to 
mother. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Of course ; conceal nothing from your parent. 

Macphail. 

And mother agrees with me 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 

Yes? 



THE GABIJ\'ET MINISTER 187 

Macphail. 
That it would be just a risky matter to corre- 
spond with a widow lady. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Oh! 

]\L\CPHAIL. 

[Producing Mrs. Gaylustre's card from his stock- 
ing.] So I'm thinking I sha'n't require this address. 

Mrs. Gaylustre. 
Ah ! [She shq^s his face violently and runs out.] 

Everybody. 
Oh! 

Macphail. 

Mother ! 

[Lady Macphail embi^aces him. The music of the 
Strathspey is heard again.] 

[Egidia entei's.] 
Egidia, 
The Strathspey. Come into the ball-room. What 
has happened ? 

Lady Twombley. 
I can't enter the ball-room again to-night ! 

Earl of Druaidurris. 
But you must dance the Strathspey. 
Lady Twombley. 

Must I ? Dance then ! [They take their places for 
the dance.] Pa ! Valentine, Imogen ! Brooke, Effie ! 
Keith, Egidia ! Lady Macphail, Sir Colin ! Dance ! 
Dance with foolish, thoughtless, weak-headed Kitty 



188 THE CABINET MINISTER 

Twombley for the last time, for to-morrow sbe be- 
comes a sober, wise, bappj, and contented woman ! 
Dance ! 

[They dance the Strathspey and Reel — Sir Ju- 
lian ivlth Lady Twombley, Deumdurris with 
Egidia, Brooke with Lady Euphemia, Valen- 
tine with Imogen, Lady Macphail with Mac- 
PHAiL. The Dowager sits gloomily.'] 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
[To Lady Twombley ivhile dancing.] You've been 
indiscreet again, Kitty. 

Lady Twombley. 
Finally, Julian, finally! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
No more extravagance ? 

L.\DY Twombley. 
Never ! Never ! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 
And you resign yourself to a peaceful rural life ? 

Lady Twombley. 
Oh! 

Sir Julian Twombley. 

Promise me — promise me ! 

Lady Twombley. 
Ha, ha! Dance, j)a, dance! 

THE end. 



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